Kyrie Irving to Host “The Decision, Part Two”

Cleveland fans, it’s happening again!

According to unconfirmed sources from anonymous tweets from random 14 year old basketball fans, Kyrie Irving plans to announce several important items during a one-hour special o ESPN Tuesday night.

Among the decisions Kyrie is expected to announce is his jersey number, locker location, and the team he’ll sign with in a few years when his contract expires and he finally gets the luxury of leaving the last place Cavaliers.

Irving’s represented have been selling sponsorship for the one-hour decision making special, with the proceeds benefiting the newly formed Irving Foundation: Kyrie’s parent’s retirement fund, new cars for the Irving family, and food for Kyrie refrigerator. If sales go well, Kyrie even plans to buy a pool table and a hot tub with the money.

The most anticipated decision of the night is the jersey number that Kyrie will choose. He has spoken to six different numbers: 4, 29, 36, 45, 58, 67. Each of them have been able to speak to Kyrie about why they should be picked. Kyrie plans on informing the number he chooses of his decision before the airing of the show, but the other five are likely to find out with the rest of the public.