With a runner-up finish against the Los Angeles Lakers yesterday, the New Jersey Nets extended their streak to 17 games where they've have finished in the top 2. The streak began with the season opener, as the Nets have not come in less than second place in any game they've played in.
"We'd of course like to come in first" said former Nets coach Lawrence Frank who was fired shortly before yesterday's game. "However, if we can consistently come in second place, we know we're very close to where we have to be."
The record for top two regular season finishes is 82 games. The Nets are only 65 games away from tying this inevitable record. The Nets next face the Dallas Mavericks, as they will try to either come in first or second in that game. A betting line in Vegas for the Nets to come in first in that game will be set shortly, however a line for them to come in the top two probably won't be set based on past game tendencies.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 12
Start:
Baltimore Defense: The Steelers are starting Dennis Dixon. If your intramural football team was facing Dixon, we'd recommend starting your defense as well.
Tom Brady: The last time the Patriots faced an undefeated team, they went for it on 4th and 2 for no reason whatsoever. Since they're facing another undefeated team this week, the Patriots will likely go for it on every 4th down possible, giving Brady some extra pass attempts. Start him.
Sit:
Anybody on the Texans: Coach Gary Kubiak obviously doesn't play fantasy football because he refuses to name a starter at the runningback position. Stay away from Texans, as Kubiak might actually try to win the game rather than giving his star players impressive stat lines.
Tony Romo: The Cowboys played on Thursday. He won't be playing today.
Pray:
Pray that your fantasy star didn't eat too much turkey on Thanksgiving and don't have a stomach ache for today's games.
Baltimore Defense: The Steelers are starting Dennis Dixon. If your intramural football team was facing Dixon, we'd recommend starting your defense as well.
Tom Brady: The last time the Patriots faced an undefeated team, they went for it on 4th and 2 for no reason whatsoever. Since they're facing another undefeated team this week, the Patriots will likely go for it on every 4th down possible, giving Brady some extra pass attempts. Start him.
Sit:
Anybody on the Texans: Coach Gary Kubiak obviously doesn't play fantasy football because he refuses to name a starter at the runningback position. Stay away from Texans, as Kubiak might actually try to win the game rather than giving his star players impressive stat lines.
Tony Romo: The Cowboys played on Thursday. He won't be playing today.
Pray:
Pray that your fantasy star didn't eat too much turkey on Thanksgiving and don't have a stomach ache for today's games.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Allen Iverson Practicing His Retirement Speech
"If I'm retiring, I'm retiring. It's as simple as that. It ain't about that at all though. It's about my career. It's about all of the wins. It's about the amount of time I spent practicing for those wins. I played in a lot of games. I played in a lot of practices. We're sitting here, and I've been the franchise player, and we're talking about retiring. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about retiring, not my career, not the wins, not my career, but we're talking about me retiring. Not all the games that I played and died for, but we're talking about me retiring. How silly is that?
Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example, but I'm not encouraging everyone to retire like me. I know that you have to do it eventually, but don't retire until you need to. Let's talk about my career, not my retirement. We're talking about retiring man. We're talking about retiring man. We're not talking about my career. We're about retiring man.
How in the hell can I make my teammates better by retiring?"
Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example, but I'm not encouraging everyone to retire like me. I know that you have to do it eventually, but don't retire until you need to. Let's talk about my career, not my retirement. We're talking about retiring man. We're talking about retiring man. We're not talking about my career. We're about retiring man.
How in the hell can I make my teammates better by retiring?"
Friday, November 27, 2009
New Jersey Nets Announce Childhood Obesity Awareness Day
The New Jersey Nets are proud to announce that Childhood Obesity Awareness Day will be on December 23rd, as they take on the Minnesota Timberwolves. Both teams consist of slow overweight players who were probably obese as children.
"Obesity is a beautiful thing for children" said New Jersey Director of Obesity, Jim "Feed Me" McPhee. "When children are obese, it means that they are eating well, they are growing at a healthy rate, and they can get a scholarship to play football in college"
Hot dogs will be given away to all children who come to the game, with leftover dogs given out as the children leave the arena. Popcorn will be thrown into the crowd instead of t-shirts and there will be a buy one get four free when it comes to soft drinks. The New Jersey Nets hope that Childhood Obesity Awareness Day will get children who care more about food than basketball to come out and support the Nets in one of the worst games of the year.
"Obesity is a beautiful thing for children" said New Jersey Director of Obesity, Jim "Feed Me" McPhee. "When children are obese, it means that they are eating well, they are growing at a healthy rate, and they can get a scholarship to play football in college"
Hot dogs will be given away to all children who come to the game, with leftover dogs given out as the children leave the arena. Popcorn will be thrown into the crowd instead of t-shirts and there will be a buy one get four free when it comes to soft drinks. The New Jersey Nets hope that Childhood Obesity Awareness Day will get children who care more about food than basketball to come out and support the Nets in one of the worst games of the year.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Charlie Weis's Approval Rating Dips Below 110%
Public approval of Charlie Weis's approval rating has plummeted from his record high rating of 110% when he was initially hired and said his Notre Dame teams were going to give it 110% on every play, a USA Today/Gallup Poll finds. Despite a recognizable name, there is rising pessimism that Notre Dame's 6-5 record isn't going to get them into the national championship game this year.
Notre Dame fans are divided with many disappointed about the team's accomplishments, while others are disappointed that Weis hasn't turned into a muscular good-looking hunk on the sidelines. By more than 4-1, Notre Dame fans say Notre Dame should try to win football games. Meanwhile, more than 95% of Notre Dame fans say that the team should try to score more points than the other teams.
The poll of 12 adults, taken by people who joined a Facebook group started by the person who created this poll, has a margin of error of +/- a lot of percentage points.
Notre Dame fans are divided with many disappointed about the team's accomplishments, while others are disappointed that Weis hasn't turned into a muscular good-looking hunk on the sidelines. By more than 4-1, Notre Dame fans say Notre Dame should try to win football games. Meanwhile, more than 95% of Notre Dame fans say that the team should try to score more points than the other teams.
The poll of 12 adults, taken by people who joined a Facebook group started by the person who created this poll, has a margin of error of +/- a lot of percentage points.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Detroit Lions Don't Celebrate Thanksgiving for Obvious Reasons
Detroit Lions Don't Celebrate Thanksgiving for Obvious Reasons
The Detroit Lions have been playing on Thanksgiving for decades, and the reason for this has finally surfaced: The Lions don't celebrate Thanksgiving because they have nothing to be thankful for. One of the few teams to never play in the superbowl, the Lions celebrate other holiday such as Martin Luther Day King, Valentines Day, and July 4th. The Lions always observe these holidays and never play a game on these days.
The Detroit Lions will be facing the Green Bay packers this Thursday. Tickets will only be one dollar, ironic because you can get 4 quarters out of the dollars, but not the Lions. With so many people traveling hundreds of miles to visit their families this holiday season, the Lions are just hoping to go 10 yards.
Other sports teams and athletes that have nothing to be thankful for this year include:
1. The 1994 World Series Champion
2. Fantasy owners facing Brady Quinn last week
3. The New Jersey Nets
The Detroit Lions have been playing on Thanksgiving for decades, and the reason for this has finally surfaced: The Lions don't celebrate Thanksgiving because they have nothing to be thankful for. One of the few teams to never play in the superbowl, the Lions celebrate other holiday such as Martin Luther Day King, Valentines Day, and July 4th. The Lions always observe these holidays and never play a game on these days.
The Detroit Lions will be facing the Green Bay packers this Thursday. Tickets will only be one dollar, ironic because you can get 4 quarters out of the dollars, but not the Lions. With so many people traveling hundreds of miles to visit their families this holiday season, the Lions are just hoping to go 10 yards.
Other sports teams and athletes that have nothing to be thankful for this year include:
1. The 1994 World Series Champion
2. Fantasy owners facing Brady Quinn last week
3. The New Jersey Nets
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Steelers and Bengals Donate a Win to Underprivileged Teams
In the spirit of the holiday season, the Steelers and Bengals donated a win to the underprivileged Kansas City Chiefs and Oakland Raiders on Sunday. The ceremony happened in front of thousands of fans, and was showcased on Sportscenter and newspaper sports sections across the country.
"The Chiefs don't have much to be thankful for, so we wanted them to have a smile on their face, even if it was just for one day" said Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who left the game in overtime so the Chiefs could get the lucky win.
The Chiefs and Raiders are football teams in the AFC who allow players who aren't talented enough to play for other teams to join their team and live out their NFL fantasies. Their players include fat overweight linemen, slow wide receivers, and quarterbacks with little pro experience.
"The Chiefs don't have much to be thankful for, so we wanted them to have a smile on their face, even if it was just for one day" said Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who left the game in overtime so the Chiefs could get the lucky win.
The Chiefs and Raiders are football teams in the AFC who allow players who aren't talented enough to play for other teams to join their team and live out their NFL fantasies. Their players include fat overweight linemen, slow wide receivers, and quarterbacks with little pro experience.
Monday, November 23, 2009
NY Mets to Become Proud Sponsor of NY Yankees
The New York Yankees are proud to announce their newest sponsor, the
New York Mets. The Mets will have signage on the outfield wall at Yankee Stadium, be the official baseball sponsor of the New York Yankees, and will supply
giveaway items at select Yankee games.
"We're delighted to welcome such a prestigious partner as the New York
Mets" said Yankees Director of Corporate Sponsorships, Greg Ellis. "Their reputation for embarrassment and dumb personnel moves makes them a fitting and
exciting sponsor."
The agreement gives the Mets exclusive category rights. "The New York Yankees are an important addition to the New York Mets' sports marketing alliances" said Mets Director of Spending Money, Jimmy Van Hise. "The demographic of fans who go to Yankee games are very similar to those who come to our games. This sponsorship broadens our opportunities to market the Mets to baseball fans in the New York Metropolitan area.
New York Mets. The Mets will have signage on the outfield wall at Yankee Stadium, be the official baseball sponsor of the New York Yankees, and will supply
giveaway items at select Yankee games.
"We're delighted to welcome such a prestigious partner as the New York
Mets" said Yankees Director of Corporate Sponsorships, Greg Ellis. "Their reputation for embarrassment and dumb personnel moves makes them a fitting and
exciting sponsor."
The agreement gives the Mets exclusive category rights. "The New York Yankees are an important addition to the New York Mets' sports marketing alliances" said Mets Director of Spending Money, Jimmy Van Hise. "The demographic of fans who go to Yankee games are very similar to those who come to our games. This sponsorship broadens our opportunities to market the Mets to baseball fans in the New York Metropolitan area.
NY Mets to Become Proud Sponsor of NY Yankees
The New York Yankees are proud to announce their newest sponsor, the
New York Mets. The Mets will have signage on the outfield wall at Yankee Stadium, be the official baseball sponsor of the New York Yankees, and will supply
giveaway items at select Yankee games.
"We're delighted to welcome such a prestigious partner as the New York
Mets" said Yankees Director of Corporate Sponsorships, Greg Ellis. "Their reputation for embarassment and dumb personnel moves makes them a fitting and
exciting sponsor."
The agreement gives the Mets exclusive category rights. "The New York Yankees are an important addition to the New York Mets' sports marketing alliances" said Mets Director of Spending Money, Jimmy Van Hise. "The demographic of fans who go to Yankee games are very similar to those who come to our games. This sponsorship broadens our opportunities to market the Mets to baseball fans in the New York Metropolitan area.
New York Mets. The Mets will have signage on the outfield wall at Yankee Stadium, be the official baseball sponsor of the New York Yankees, and will supply
giveaway items at select Yankee games.
"We're delighted to welcome such a prestigious partner as the New York
Mets" said Yankees Director of Corporate Sponsorships, Greg Ellis. "Their reputation for embarassment and dumb personnel moves makes them a fitting and
exciting sponsor."
The agreement gives the Mets exclusive category rights. "The New York Yankees are an important addition to the New York Mets' sports marketing alliances" said Mets Director of Spending Money, Jimmy Van Hise. "The demographic of fans who go to Yankee games are very similar to those who come to our games. This sponsorship broadens our opportunities to market the Mets to baseball fans in the New York Metropolitan area.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Fantasy Football Advice From A Normal Guy, Week 11
Start:
Maurice Jones-Drew--- Maurice isn't facing himself in fantasy leagues this week so you don't need to worry about him taking knees at the one yard line. He'll want to score this week. Start him.
Bruce Gradkowski---Gradkowski is taking over the Raider's starting quarterback this week. We don't expect you to start him but in case he should do well, we at least want to recommend to start him so I can say "I told you so"
Sit:
Drew Brees----Bench him and let him rest for the playoffs. Once the playoffs come along, start Brees again. He'll be rested and be able to perform better.
Sean Morey---He hasn't had a reception the entire season. Don't expect one in Week 11. Start someone else. I know, big help.
Pray:
Pray that your fantasy players aren't too busy reading the Sarah Palin memoir and remember that they have a game this week.
Maurice Jones-Drew--- Maurice isn't facing himself in fantasy leagues this week so you don't need to worry about him taking knees at the one yard line. He'll want to score this week. Start him.
Bruce Gradkowski---Gradkowski is taking over the Raider's starting quarterback this week. We don't expect you to start him but in case he should do well, we at least want to recommend to start him so I can say "I told you so"
Sit:
Drew Brees----Bench him and let him rest for the playoffs. Once the playoffs come along, start Brees again. He'll be rested and be able to perform better.
Sean Morey---He hasn't had a reception the entire season. Don't expect one in Week 11. Start someone else. I know, big help.
Pray:
Pray that your fantasy players aren't too busy reading the Sarah Palin memoir and remember that they have a game this week.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Michael Crabtree to Holdout Until 49ers Get a Better Quarterback
Just weeks after ending his holdout due to salary demands, Michael Crabtree has threatened to holdout until they get a better quarterback than Alex Smith. Wide receivers need a quarterback to throw to them, else they're useless according to the biggest douchebag in the NFL.
"How am I supposed to live up to my ridiculous salary if I have a Ute throwing to me" said Crabtree. "The 49ers already fell for my first holdout, I'm hoping that they'll get suckered into falling for my trap a second time this season."
There are many quarterbacks that will be available during the off-season for the 49ers but like his salary demands, Crabtree is wanting the very best: Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. Crabtree wants them to quarterback for the 49ers so they can make him look good. Until then, he will be playing Madden and being either the Colts or the Patriots.
"How am I supposed to live up to my ridiculous salary if I have a Ute throwing to me" said Crabtree. "The 49ers already fell for my first holdout, I'm hoping that they'll get suckered into falling for my trap a second time this season."
There are many quarterbacks that will be available during the off-season for the 49ers but like his salary demands, Crabtree is wanting the very best: Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. Crabtree wants them to quarterback for the 49ers so they can make him look good. Until then, he will be playing Madden and being either the Colts or the Patriots.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Brady Quinn Leads NFL's Biggest Loser Competition
Brady Quinn is leading the NFL's Biggest Loser for the first half of the season, voted upon by Quinn's peers. Quinn has been the dominant loser in the NFL this season. The Detroit Lions are in second place, the referees are in 3rd, and Larry Johnson is in 4th.
"This is definitely a team award" said Quinn who claims he's not that big, only 220 lbs. "To be in contention for a big award like this after playing like shit the past few weeks, I'm honored to be the front runner for such a dignified award. There are definitely many other players who were deserving of this honor so I am truly lucky."
If Quinn should maintain his lead, he will have to give up $10,000 due to an incentive in his contract. If Quinn should win this award again next year, he will have to forfeit $20,000.
"This is definitely a team award" said Quinn who claims he's not that big, only 220 lbs. "To be in contention for a big award like this after playing like shit the past few weeks, I'm honored to be the front runner for such a dignified award. There are definitely many other players who were deserving of this honor so I am truly lucky."
If Quinn should maintain his lead, he will have to give up $10,000 due to an incentive in his contract. If Quinn should win this award again next year, he will have to forfeit $20,000.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sarah Palin Can See Yao Ming From Her House
According to someone who claims to have actually read Sarah Palin's book, Sarah can see Yao Ming from her house. Yao is 7'6'', almost three feet taller than the tallest igloo in Alaska. Palin claims that she can see Yao from just about any place on the continent of Alaska.
"It doesn't matter if I'm making snow angels in the snow or if I'm standing on top of my igloo, I can still see Yao" said an excerpt from the longest book ever written by a female vice presidential candidate from Alaska. "If he was white, he'd be the world's largest snowman."
For those who read the cliff notes instead of suffering through all 432 pages, Palin also lists other things that she can see from her house:
1. Russia
2. Santa Claus
3. Snow
4. Other Igloos
5. Polar Bears
"It doesn't matter if I'm making snow angels in the snow or if I'm standing on top of my igloo, I can still see Yao" said an excerpt from the longest book ever written by a female vice presidential candidate from Alaska. "If he was white, he'd be the world's largest snowman."
For those who read the cliff notes instead of suffering through all 432 pages, Palin also lists other things that she can see from her house:
1. Russia
2. Santa Claus
3. Snow
4. Other Igloos
5. Polar Bears
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
ESPN's 24 Hour Basketball Marathon Ends After 21 Hours and 48 Minutes
ESPN's 24 Hour College Basketball marathon ended at 9:48pm as the Arkansas-Louisville game ended 12 minutes earlier than its scheduled ending of 10 o'clock, thus ending ESPN's quest to have 24 straight hours of college basketball. The station began a new 2 hour marathon to much less hoopla at 10 o'clock when Kansas played Memphis.
"We are both angry and outraged that Arkansas refused to foul Louisville to extend the game" said ESPN Director of Screaming About Duke Players, Dick Vitale. "Although they were down by 30 points, they should understand the significance of this meaningless stupid marathon that we've built up so people would actually watch college basketball in November."
ESPN showed the Monday Night Football game between the Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns leading up to the marathon, giving fans the opportunity to nap before the college basketball began. The marathon started with a classic between UCLA and Cal-State Fullerton, which was followed by nine games between teams that nobody has ever heard of, and finished with the Arkansas-Louisville game. Despite the failed attempt of having 24 straight hours of basketball, ESPN is now promoting a 60 minute marathon of SportsCenter starting tomorrow at 6pm.
"We are both angry and outraged that Arkansas refused to foul Louisville to extend the game" said ESPN Director of Screaming About Duke Players, Dick Vitale. "Although they were down by 30 points, they should understand the significance of this meaningless stupid marathon that we've built up so people would actually watch college basketball in November."
ESPN showed the Monday Night Football game between the Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns leading up to the marathon, giving fans the opportunity to nap before the college basketball began. The marathon started with a classic between UCLA and Cal-State Fullerton, which was followed by nine games between teams that nobody has ever heard of, and finished with the Arkansas-Louisville game. Despite the failed attempt of having 24 straight hours of basketball, ESPN is now promoting a 60 minute marathon of SportsCenter starting tomorrow at 6pm.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
JaMarcus Russell Praised for Consistant Play
After 3 seasons in the NFL, JaMarcus Russell is finally overcoming the inconsistency that often plagues young players. No longer is Russell alternating good games and bad games. Now it's consistently terrible. He has thrown for less than 130 yards in 6 out of his last 7 games and thrown an interception in four out of his last five.
"It seems like JaMarcus has peaked and is comfortable with his playing ability at this point" said Raiders Coach Tom Cable. "We know what we're going to get out of him each and every Sunday so it makes things easy for me. I can then focus on motivating our good players which will determine if we lose by 10 or by a lot more."
The Oakland Raiders management are not the only people enjoying Russell's consistency. Fantasy players each and every week know what to expect from Russell so it makes it easy on them whether or not they should start him. Fantasy players appreciate that Russell isn't one of those fantasy players who is going to get 30 points in one week and 5 the next.
"It seems like JaMarcus has peaked and is comfortable with his playing ability at this point" said Raiders Coach Tom Cable. "We know what we're going to get out of him each and every Sunday so it makes things easy for me. I can then focus on motivating our good players which will determine if we lose by 10 or by a lot more."
The Oakland Raiders management are not the only people enjoying Russell's consistency. Fantasy players each and every week know what to expect from Russell so it makes it easy on them whether or not they should start him. Fantasy players appreciate that Russell isn't one of those fantasy players who is going to get 30 points in one week and 5 the next.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Bill Belichick Wins Fantasy Week on Late Game Manning Touchdown Pass
Bill Belichick's fantasy team looked like a lost cause until a bonehead decision to go for it on 4th and 2 from their own 30 yard line allowed Manning a short field to throw his fourth touchdown of the game.
"I looked at my blackberry and realized that I was down by three points" said Belichick, who was excited to talk to the media about his fantasy team. "I needed a touchdown from Manning so I wanted to give him a short field to play with. Knowing that we were inside two minutes, I knew I wouldn't get ripped off with a random run from Addai." Belichick believes in running up the score so as the Colts lined up for the extra point, he did everything in his power to get it blocked and for the game to go into overtime so his players could get more points.
Belichick's fantasy team had a great game. Lawrence Maroney had to be placed in his starting lineup since Steve Slaton was on a bye which resulted in a goalline run for Maroney. He also had Randy Moss on his fantasy team which resulted in long bombs all night from Tom Brady.
"I looked at my blackberry and realized that I was down by three points" said Belichick, who was excited to talk to the media about his fantasy team. "I needed a touchdown from Manning so I wanted to give him a short field to play with. Knowing that we were inside two minutes, I knew I wouldn't get ripped off with a random run from Addai." Belichick believes in running up the score so as the Colts lined up for the extra point, he did everything in his power to get it blocked and for the game to go into overtime so his players could get more points.
Belichick's fantasy team had a great game. Lawrence Maroney had to be placed in his starting lineup since Steve Slaton was on a bye which resulted in a goalline run for Maroney. He also had Randy Moss on his fantasy team which resulted in long bombs all night from Tom Brady.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 10
Start:
Josh Freeman: He's averaging three touchdown passes per start this season while Peyton Manning is only averaging 2. Look it up yourself. Start Freeman without hesitation this week.
Mike Sims-Walker: East Rutherford, New Jersey is not known for its good-looking girls so no need to worry about Walker staying out past curfew with a random girl he met like he did earlier this year. Start Walker this week.
Sit:
Eli Manning---Unless you're counting girls, no quarterback has scored on a Bye Week all season. Don't expect that to change.
Larry Johnson---Along with the Giants and Texans, LJ is on a bye week in Week 10.
Pray:
Brady Quinn---Pray that the Cleveland Browns are playing a college team this week because Quinn has been useless ever since graduating from Notre Dame. He was good when facing college defenses.
Brady Quinn---Pray that Brady Quinn is not your starting fantasy quarterback. If he is, you're praying to the wrong God.
Josh Freeman: He's averaging three touchdown passes per start this season while Peyton Manning is only averaging 2. Look it up yourself. Start Freeman without hesitation this week.
Mike Sims-Walker: East Rutherford, New Jersey is not known for its good-looking girls so no need to worry about Walker staying out past curfew with a random girl he met like he did earlier this year. Start Walker this week.
Sit:
Eli Manning---Unless you're counting girls, no quarterback has scored on a Bye Week all season. Don't expect that to change.
Larry Johnson---Along with the Giants and Texans, LJ is on a bye week in Week 10.
Pray:
Brady Quinn---Pray that the Cleveland Browns are playing a college team this week because Quinn has been useless ever since graduating from Notre Dame. He was good when facing college defenses.
Brady Quinn---Pray that Brady Quinn is not your starting fantasy quarterback. If he is, you're praying to the wrong God.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
New Jersey Nets Only 7 Games Away From Guaranteeing #1 Pick in NFL Draft
The Nets players and coaches are more than halfway towards getting something that every team wants: the #1 pick in the NFL Draft. The Nets have started their season 0-9 and are only seven games away from going 0-16, a record that guarantees you the #1 pick in the NFL Draft when there are no expansion teams entering the league.
"We don't want to look ahead but there's definitely buzz around the locker room" said Nets Coach Lawrence Frank. "To get the #1 pick in the draft, it would be an early Christmas Hanukkah gift for our front office and a nice Hanukkah gift for me."
Unlike the NBA, the NFL Draft gives the #1 pick to the team who loses games on purpose and thus, has the worst record in the league. The NBA Draft has a lottery where teams who have the worst record don't necessarily get the top pick. There are rumors that Nets scouts are targeting Russell Okung, a 300 pounder who will clog up the paint.
"We don't want to look ahead but there's definitely buzz around the locker room" said Nets Coach Lawrence Frank. "To get the #1 pick in the draft, it would be an early Christmas Hanukkah gift for our front office and a nice Hanukkah gift for me."
Unlike the NBA, the NFL Draft gives the #1 pick to the team who loses games on purpose and thus, has the worst record in the league. The NBA Draft has a lottery where teams who have the worst record don't necessarily get the top pick. There are rumors that Nets scouts are targeting Russell Okung, a 300 pounder who will clog up the paint.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Chiefs Fans Sign Petition to Keep Cassel Because He's Nice
Just days after a petition by Kansas City Chiefs fans pressured the Chiefs front office to release Larry Johnson before he broke the team all-time rushing yard record, they have started a new petition to prevent the Chiefs from benching Matt Cassel so he can avoid having the worst win-loss record in Chiefs history. Cassel has started his Chiefs career by going 1-7. The petition pleads for Chiefs management to keep Cassel as the team's starting so he can avoid being the losingest quarterback in team history.
"Cassel is a nice guy so he deserves to be our quarterback" said one fan who signed the petition. "LJ was a bum so I didn't want him to break the record but Cassel is such a good guy with a good heart. Out of pity for him, allow him to win some lucky games before benching him. We play the Raiders this week."
The Chiefs had no comment about the petition, although that might be because nobody wants to admit they're associated with the team. A tweet by a random fan pretending to be Cassel said he appreciates the support of the fans. Fantasy teams across the country who have Cassel as their starting quarterback are also signing the petition, requesting the Chiefs to start Cassel.
"Cassel is a nice guy so he deserves to be our quarterback" said one fan who signed the petition. "LJ was a bum so I didn't want him to break the record but Cassel is such a good guy with a good heart. Out of pity for him, allow him to win some lucky games before benching him. We play the Raiders this week."
The Chiefs had no comment about the petition, although that might be because nobody wants to admit they're associated with the team. A tweet by a random fan pretending to be Cassel said he appreciates the support of the fans. Fantasy teams across the country who have Cassel as their starting quarterback are also signing the petition, requesting the Chiefs to start Cassel.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Giants underdogs by 11.5 Against Bye
Just one day after the Giants signed Mariano Rivera to be their closer, the line against Bye has jumped to an unimaginable +11.5 for the Giants. The Giants have lost four straight games, while Bye has not lost a game all year or given up a touchdown.
"I don't think Bye will score 12 points this weekend so I'm going with the Giants +11.5" said an anonymous gambler from Las Vegas.
Bye has a difficult schedule as they have to play two teams on Sunday. They're also facing the Houston Texans in addition to the Giants. However, facing multiple teams has its perks. Bye will have over a month to recover, as they won't play another game until the first week of the playoffs when they have the daunting task of playing the top two teams in both the NFC and AFC. Until then, they'll rest and wait to see who they're playing in January.
"I don't think Bye will score 12 points this weekend so I'm going with the Giants +11.5" said an anonymous gambler from Las Vegas.
Bye has a difficult schedule as they have to play two teams on Sunday. They're also facing the Houston Texans in addition to the Giants. However, facing multiple teams has its perks. Bye will have over a month to recover, as they won't play another game until the first week of the playoffs when they have the daunting task of playing the top two teams in both the NFC and AFC. Until then, they'll rest and wait to see who they're playing in January.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
NY Giants Sign Mariano Rivera to Protect Late Game Leads
Just days after the New York Giants blew a 6 point lead in the last minute to the San Diego Chargers, anonymous Giants interns have leaked information that they have signed Mariano Rivera to a 3 month, $63,000/hour contract. The Giants are confident that if Rivera enters the game with a lead, they will win the game. The Giants have blown numerous late fourth quarter leads this year and hope the signing of Rivera will essentially make it a 55 minute game for them.
"All we have to do is have the lead after 55 minutes and then we'll just give the ball to Rivera" said Giants Coach Tom Coughlin, while coughing. Rivera's cutter is expected to throw defenses off and prevent defenses from returning interceptions. Unless it's Troy Polamalu, defensive ends and safeties will have a hard time catching the ball due to the late movement of the ball. Meanwhile, NFL rules don't prohibit defenders from wearing gloves so Rivera will be manning the deep ball with his baseball glove when the other team is desperately throwing a hail mary even though they're down by three touchdowns and there's no time left on the clock.. Rivera plans on knocking all the balls down and keeping everything in front of him.
The Giants started the season 5-0 but have choked away their last four games. They have a bye week in Week 10 which will give Rivera time to learn the signs from the staff. In practice, Rivera has been seen practicing the victory formation where the center snaps the ball to him and he takes a knee.
The Giants also excited about not worrying about the media throwing (pun intended) Rivera off his game. Rivera has had the unfortunate luck of dealing with the New York media for the past 15 years. Rivera is excited to be playing in front of Eli's hot wife and other player's spouses, as Kate Hudson and whoever Jeter's Flavor of the Week gets old after a while. Once and for all, Rivera will get to judge for himself if chicks really dig the long ball, or if they'd rather date a 280 pound tattooed freak who claims he's good at sex because he's a tight end.
"All we have to do is have the lead after 55 minutes and then we'll just give the ball to Rivera" said Giants Coach Tom Coughlin, while coughing. Rivera's cutter is expected to throw defenses off and prevent defenses from returning interceptions. Unless it's Troy Polamalu, defensive ends and safeties will have a hard time catching the ball due to the late movement of the ball. Meanwhile, NFL rules don't prohibit defenders from wearing gloves so Rivera will be manning the deep ball with his baseball glove when the other team is desperately throwing a hail mary even though they're down by three touchdowns and there's no time left on the clock.. Rivera plans on knocking all the balls down and keeping everything in front of him.
The Giants started the season 5-0 but have choked away their last four games. They have a bye week in Week 10 which will give Rivera time to learn the signs from the staff. In practice, Rivera has been seen practicing the victory formation where the center snaps the ball to him and he takes a knee.
The Giants also excited about not worrying about the media throwing (pun intended) Rivera off his game. Rivera has had the unfortunate luck of dealing with the New York media for the past 15 years. Rivera is excited to be playing in front of Eli's hot wife and other player's spouses, as Kate Hudson and whoever Jeter's Flavor of the Week gets old after a while. Once and for all, Rivera will get to judge for himself if chicks really dig the long ball, or if they'd rather date a 280 pound tattooed freak who claims he's good at sex because he's a tight end.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Steve Nash Rewarded $10,000 for Positive Comments Made About the Officiating
Phoenix Suns Guard Steven Nash has been rewarded $10,000 by the NBA for positive comments made about officiating last night. NBA Officials are not used to receiving such praise from NBA coaches and players. The $10,000 will be indirectly paid by Andre Iguodala, who was fined $25,000 for complaining about the referees in the same game.
The referees made a controversial call in the late minutes of yesterday's game between the Suns and the 76ers. A loose ball clearly went off of Nash's leg but the refs said it went off Iguodala. "I would like to thank the refs for making an incorrect call and awarding us the ball" said Nash after the game. "They have done a great job all season making calls that reward our team."
Iguodala has been warned by the league that if he continues to complain about the officiating, his fines will increase and he will potentially be suspended by the league and forced to play in the Pac 10, where officiating is even more inconsistent. Meanwhile, Nash has been told that if he continues to make positive comments, he will be rewarded appropriately with all-star votes, endorsement deals and autograph photos of Kobe Bryant.
The referees made a controversial call in the late minutes of yesterday's game between the Suns and the 76ers. A loose ball clearly went off of Nash's leg but the refs said it went off Iguodala. "I would like to thank the refs for making an incorrect call and awarding us the ball" said Nash after the game. "They have done a great job all season making calls that reward our team."
Iguodala has been warned by the league that if he continues to complain about the officiating, his fines will increase and he will potentially be suspended by the league and forced to play in the Pac 10, where officiating is even more inconsistent. Meanwhile, Nash has been told that if he continues to make positive comments, he will be rewarded appropriately with all-star votes, endorsement deals and autograph photos of Kobe Bryant.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Zambia Congratulates the Phillies on Winning the World Series
People all over Zambia and other poor African countries have received their 2009 shipment of Philadelphia Phillies World Championship merchandise. Hundreds of championship merchandise were produced for both teams in the World Series, with the losing team's merchandise donated to third world countries. The King of Zambia has congratulated the Phillies on winning the World Series for the first time since they defeated the Toronto Blue Jays in the early 1990s. In Zambia, the 2009 Phillies have joined other great championship teams such as the 2007 New England Patriots, the 2000 New York Mets, and the Buffalo Bills dynasty of the early 1990s.
Zambians can be seen wearing Philadelphia Phillies hats, t-shirts and even sweatshirts in many local communities. Weather in Zambia is expected to fall below 95 degrees fahrenheit this week so the Phillies title came just in time.
Zambians are eagerly looking forward to the Superbowl in January. However, as hardcore as they are about sports and specifically football, they don't fully understand the rules. They believe that similarly to golf, the team that has the lowest score wins. Last year, they celebrated the Arizona Cardinals scoring less than the Steelers and they can't wait to see who scores less in the Superbowl this year.
Zambians can be seen wearing Philadelphia Phillies hats, t-shirts and even sweatshirts in many local communities. Weather in Zambia is expected to fall below 95 degrees fahrenheit this week so the Phillies title came just in time.
Zambians are eagerly looking forward to the Superbowl in January. However, as hardcore as they are about sports and specifically football, they don't fully understand the rules. They believe that similarly to golf, the team that has the lowest score wins. Last year, they celebrated the Arizona Cardinals scoring less than the Steelers and they can't wait to see who scores less in the Superbowl this year.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 9
Start:
LaDainian Tomlinson: After 56 yards rushing last week, LaDainian Tomlinson is eyeing Emitt Smith's career rushing yard record. LT is only 6,384 yards away and is hoping to break that record today. Even if he doesn't score a touchdown, 6000+ yards would be a good week for LT.
Miles Austin: Can you name a Monmouth University alum in the NFL who isn't any good? I didn't think so. Start Austin.
Sit:
Tampa Bay Defense: Despite playing against (bye week), Tampa was still unable to get into the win column last week. Don't expect their defense to help the cause against the Green Bay Packers.
Derek Anderson: While it has seemed like the Browns have been on a bye week all season, their official bye week is today. Sit Derek Anderson.
Pray:
Thank God for the teams who have bye weeks this week: Oakland, Saint Louis, Cleveland, Buffalo and the New York Jets. You really shouldn't have any players on these teams anyway so go ahead and start your best players. Pray and thank the man upstairs for making Week 9 a week where you don't have to stress about bye weeks. Now if only these teams could have a bye every week.
Brandon Jacobs: According to Tom Coughlin, the Giants have a one game season this week. Pray that the Giants win. If they don't, their season will be over and the fantasy players on the G-Men will essentially be useless.
LaDainian Tomlinson: After 56 yards rushing last week, LaDainian Tomlinson is eyeing Emitt Smith's career rushing yard record. LT is only 6,384 yards away and is hoping to break that record today. Even if he doesn't score a touchdown, 6000+ yards would be a good week for LT.
Miles Austin: Can you name a Monmouth University alum in the NFL who isn't any good? I didn't think so. Start Austin.
Sit:
Tampa Bay Defense: Despite playing against (bye week), Tampa was still unable to get into the win column last week. Don't expect their defense to help the cause against the Green Bay Packers.
Derek Anderson: While it has seemed like the Browns have been on a bye week all season, their official bye week is today. Sit Derek Anderson.
Pray:
Thank God for the teams who have bye weeks this week: Oakland, Saint Louis, Cleveland, Buffalo and the New York Jets. You really shouldn't have any players on these teams anyway so go ahead and start your best players. Pray and thank the man upstairs for making Week 9 a week where you don't have to stress about bye weeks. Now if only these teams could have a bye every week.
Brandon Jacobs: According to Tom Coughlin, the Giants have a one game season this week. Pray that the Giants win. If they don't, their season will be over and the fantasy players on the G-Men will essentially be useless.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Marcus Jordan Refuses to Wear Fruit of the Loom Underwear
Just days after Marcus Jordan refused to wear Adidas shoes for the University of Central Florida basketball team, he has told athletic officials that he's going to ignore the deal they have with Fruit of the Loom and wear Hanes underwear the rest of the season. When Jordan refused to wear Adidas sneakers in honor of father's loyalty towards Nike, Adidas backed out of its six-year, $3 million exclusive contract with UCF. There are rumors that Jordan's inability to wear Fruit of the Loom underwear is going to cost UCF a similar amount of money.
"Wearing Fruit of the Loom underwear would take away from my ability to play basketball at a mediocre level" said the younger Jordan. "I came to UCF to play at the mediocre level that UCF normally plays at, so I need to wear the most comfortable underwear possible. Wearing Fruit of the Loom would force me to play at a lower than mediocre level of play."
Fruit of the Loom is the exclusive underwear provider of Central Florida athletics. When half-naked players get interviewed postgame in the locker room, they want to make sure that players are wearing their Fruit of the Loom logos on their undies. Marcus' father, Michael, was a spokesman for Hanes underwear and holds Hanes close to his heart.
"Wearing Fruit of the Loom underwear would take away from my ability to play basketball at a mediocre level" said the younger Jordan. "I came to UCF to play at the mediocre level that UCF normally plays at, so I need to wear the most comfortable underwear possible. Wearing Fruit of the Loom would force me to play at a lower than mediocre level of play."
Fruit of the Loom is the exclusive underwear provider of Central Florida athletics. When half-naked players get interviewed postgame in the locker room, they want to make sure that players are wearing their Fruit of the Loom logos on their undies. Marcus' father, Michael, was a spokesman for Hanes underwear and holds Hanes close to his heart.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Syracuse Gets Payback by Crushing Le Moyne in Tug Of War
The Syracuse student body celebrated last night an impressive tug of war victory over the Le Moyne Dolphins, just two days after Le Moyne shocked the world by defeating Syracuse in a meaningless exhibition basketball game. Syracuse used the strength of its 16,000 students and 75 football players to defeat the 2,800 students on the Le Moyne side. Monster 426 pound Vanumi Powernumi was named MVP of the match.
"It's an honor to be named MVP" said Powernumi. "I'd like to thank my teammates for pushing my every day in practice and the lord for the opportunity to step out on the field and play to the best of my ability. I'd like to thank the fans for their support, my fan page on Facebook, my psychology professor for passing me even though I flunked every exam, and the steroids I've been taking leading up to the match.
The heated rivalry doesn't seem like it's going to end with a tug of war match. Beer Pong tournaments in local bars and parties around the Syracuse area are expected to continue throughout the school year. The Admissions Offices of each school are going to brag about which school has the better incoming freshman class. The schools are going to argue about which campus got more snow. Lastly, the battle of the football teams will also take place, although that shouldn't be much of a battle as the Le Moyne intramural squad has been playing quality teams in the Northeast all season while the Orange have been playing in the weak Big East.
"It's an honor to be named MVP" said Powernumi. "I'd like to thank my teammates for pushing my every day in practice and the lord for the opportunity to step out on the field and play to the best of my ability. I'd like to thank the fans for their support, my fan page on Facebook, my psychology professor for passing me even though I flunked every exam, and the steroids I've been taking leading up to the match.
The heated rivalry doesn't seem like it's going to end with a tug of war match. Beer Pong tournaments in local bars and parties around the Syracuse area are expected to continue throughout the school year. The Admissions Offices of each school are going to brag about which school has the better incoming freshman class. The schools are going to argue about which campus got more snow. Lastly, the battle of the football teams will also take place, although that shouldn't be much of a battle as the Le Moyne intramural squad has been playing quality teams in the Northeast all season while the Orange have been playing in the weak Big East.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Mark Teixeira Wins Most Valuable First Baseman of the World Series by Sucking Less Than Ryan Howard
Most of us have been more productive in our sleep, but Mark Teixeira has been named the Most Valuable First Baseman of the World Series, defeating Ryan Howard and pretty much nobody else because Howard was the only other player to play first base in the series. Teixeira went an unimpressive 3-23 with 8 strikeouts while Howard was 4-23 with 13 strikeouts. However, Teixeira was on a team that had more overpaid millionaires, celebrity girlfriends and past steroid users and thus, his team won and got some extra brownie points compared to Howard.
"This is a great feeling, I feel like I've earned my ridiculous salary" said Teixeira. "You work your entire life for these games and even though I was rather pathetic, it's still cool to get this nice looking trophy for doing absolutely nothing. This is proof that effort is more important than talent."
While Teixeira is obviously excited about getting a world championship ring, it was easy to tell that he was more proud of the trophy he barely earned. Even the receptionist with the Yankees gets a World Series ring, but Teixeira actually had to do something to get the Most Valuable First Baseman Trophy. Teixeira will have a parade for him on Friday where millions of New Yorkers will celebrate his accomplishment along the Canyon of Heroes. In addition, his Yankee teammates and the World Series trophy will be making a cameo appearance at the parade.
Teixeira can now proudly say he had a better World Series than Ryan Howard in 2009 and Bill Buckner in 1986...and nobody can ever take that away from him. He'll be going to DisneyWorld to celebrate, but that's only because he can afford it with his $180 million salary.
"This is a great feeling, I feel like I've earned my ridiculous salary" said Teixeira. "You work your entire life for these games and even though I was rather pathetic, it's still cool to get this nice looking trophy for doing absolutely nothing. This is proof that effort is more important than talent."
While Teixeira is obviously excited about getting a world championship ring, it was easy to tell that he was more proud of the trophy he barely earned. Even the receptionist with the Yankees gets a World Series ring, but Teixeira actually had to do something to get the Most Valuable First Baseman Trophy. Teixeira will have a parade for him on Friday where millions of New Yorkers will celebrate his accomplishment along the Canyon of Heroes. In addition, his Yankee teammates and the World Series trophy will be making a cameo appearance at the parade.
Teixeira can now proudly say he had a better World Series than Ryan Howard in 2009 and Bill Buckner in 1986...and nobody can ever take that away from him. He'll be going to DisneyWorld to celebrate, but that's only because he can afford it with his $180 million salary.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Ryan Howard to Start on One Day Rest
Despite playing on Monday night, Ryan Howard plans on playing tonight in Game 6 of the World Series on one day of rest. Manager Charlie Manuel said it wasn't even debatable, as Howard will have all off-season to rest from playing two games in three games. Despite pitchers often having a full four days rest in between starts, Howard says that one day is good enough for a freakazoid like him.
"My body has healed well and I felt fine yesterday during practice. This is an important game and I am going to do whatever it takes to win this game and force a game 7." When asked if he would play in Game 7 to make it two days in a row and three out of four, Howard said he is just focusing on Game 6 right now and he'll see how his body feels afterwards. Howard went 0-4 on Monday, after starting on both Saturday and Sunday.
The Phillies have been in desperation mode ever since they lost game 4 to go down three games to one. Not only are they starting Ryan Howard, but they are also considering using Cliff Lee out of the bullpen if need be. "This is the World Series so we have to do what we have to do" said Lee. The Phillies players got a lot of rest during the regular season by playing the Washington Nationals and New York Mets within their division, so they hope that helps in their healing from game to game. Andy Pettite will be starting for the Yankees with three days rest tonight.
"My body has healed well and I felt fine yesterday during practice. This is an important game and I am going to do whatever it takes to win this game and force a game 7." When asked if he would play in Game 7 to make it two days in a row and three out of four, Howard said he is just focusing on Game 6 right now and he'll see how his body feels afterwards. Howard went 0-4 on Monday, after starting on both Saturday and Sunday.
The Phillies have been in desperation mode ever since they lost game 4 to go down three games to one. Not only are they starting Ryan Howard, but they are also considering using Cliff Lee out of the bullpen if need be. "This is the World Series so we have to do what we have to do" said Lee. The Phillies players got a lot of rest during the regular season by playing the Washington Nationals and New York Mets within their division, so they hope that helps in their healing from game to game. Andy Pettite will be starting for the Yankees with three days rest tonight.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Favre's Inspirational Comeback Forces MJ to Unretire
Michael Jordan has informed the Washington Wizards that he intends to make his third comeback to the NBA due to the overwhelming media attention that Brett Favre’s unretirements have gotten from the media. Michael Jordan is the greatest of all-time, but also wants to be known as the greatest to retire then unretire then retire then unretire, then retire and then unretire. With Michael Jordan coming back to the NBA, there are unconfirmed reports that Clemens is considering coming back to baseball, as he doesn’t his retirement drama to get overshadowed.
Jordan has been staying in shape by playing H-O-R-S-E against Larry Bird where the winner would get a Big Mac from McDonalds. He has also been staying up to date on the NBA by actively gambling on NBA games throughout his retirement.
In addition to basketball, Michael also plans to unretire from acting. Jordan retired from acting after his Oscar winning performance in Space Jam, a movie that can often be seen on Turner Classic Movies.
Jordan has been staying in shape by playing H-O-R-S-E against Larry Bird where the winner would get a Big Mac from McDonalds. He has also been staying up to date on the NBA by actively gambling on NBA games throughout his retirement.
In addition to basketball, Michael also plans to unretire from acting. Jordan retired from acting after his Oscar winning performance in Space Jam, a movie that can often be seen on Turner Classic Movies.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Orlando Magic Tie NBA Record for Best 3-Game Start
Not much has gone wrong for the Orlando Magic so far in the 2009-2010 season. The Orlando Magic have tied the NBA Record for best three game start in league history by going 3-0. They have outscored their opponents 340-306. If the season ended today, they would be the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs, pending tiebreakers. Ask any player or coach about an undefeated season and they all give the same response: “We’re taking it one game at a time”
Players on the team downplayed the pressure, but it was easy to tell that the undefeated season is taking a toll on them. With only 79 regular season games left in the season (really only 77 because Sacramento doesn’t count), the team is close to achieving its goal of going undefeated. Every team that plays the Magic will be trying to end the undefeated streak and preserve history. However, the first three teams tried to do the same thing and failed.
The streak almost came to a screeching halt yesterday as the Magic were down by one point early in the first quarter, but the Magic took the lead shortly afterwards and held on. Good teams know how to win and the Magic weren’t about to just give up and end their quest to go 82-0. The Magic have been compared to the 1972 Dolphins ever since the streak began last week. However, one slip-up and they’ll start to be compared to the 2007 New England Patriots.
Players on the team downplayed the pressure, but it was easy to tell that the undefeated season is taking a toll on them. With only 79 regular season games left in the season (really only 77 because Sacramento doesn’t count), the team is close to achieving its goal of going undefeated. Every team that plays the Magic will be trying to end the undefeated streak and preserve history. However, the first three teams tried to do the same thing and failed.
The streak almost came to a screeching halt yesterday as the Magic were down by one point early in the first quarter, but the Magic took the lead shortly afterwards and held on. Good teams know how to win and the Magic weren’t about to just give up and end their quest to go 82-0. The Magic have been compared to the 1972 Dolphins ever since the streak began last week. However, one slip-up and they’ll start to be compared to the 2007 New England Patriots.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 8
Start:
Alex Smith: Facing the Colts, this is Alex Smith's chance to prove to critics that he's just as good as Peyton Manning. He'll be motivated to prove the doubters wrong.
Drew Brees: The Saint are playing on Monday Night Football so no matter how pathetic your team does on Sunday, you'll still have a chance on Monday night.
Sit:
David Gerrard---The Jaguars have their second bye week of the season in Week 8. They face the Titans.
All Rams and Lions Players---Does a football game really happen if nobody is there to watch it? Don't risk it. If your fantasy team should randomly have a player in this game, sit them...nobody will be there to take stats.
Pray:
Adrian Peterson---With all of the attention focused on Brett Favre coming back to Green Bay, pray that someone else in the game touches the ball.
Eli Manning---Pray that the Giants have touchdown passes on Sunday against the Eagles. The Giants have a lot of confidence in Manning, and it seems like he'll throw 100% of the pass attempts for the Giants on Sunday. If the Giants have a lot of touchdown passes, Eli should have a good day.
Alex Smith: Facing the Colts, this is Alex Smith's chance to prove to critics that he's just as good as Peyton Manning. He'll be motivated to prove the doubters wrong.
Drew Brees: The Saint are playing on Monday Night Football so no matter how pathetic your team does on Sunday, you'll still have a chance on Monday night.
Sit:
David Gerrard---The Jaguars have their second bye week of the season in Week 8. They face the Titans.
All Rams and Lions Players---Does a football game really happen if nobody is there to watch it? Don't risk it. If your fantasy team should randomly have a player in this game, sit them...nobody will be there to take stats.
Pray:
Adrian Peterson---With all of the attention focused on Brett Favre coming back to Green Bay, pray that someone else in the game touches the ball.
Eli Manning---Pray that the Giants have touchdown passes on Sunday against the Eagles. The Giants have a lot of confidence in Manning, and it seems like he'll throw 100% of the pass attempts for the Giants on Sunday. If the Giants have a lot of touchdown passes, Eli should have a good day.
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