Roger Federer Wins Insomnia Open

Roger Federer defeated Andy Murray in the Insomnia Open in straight sets last night. The match started at 3:30am EST. Federer has proven to be the greatest tennis player of this generation, even when matches start at strange times due to the time difference between the United States and Australia.

"Just because the match started at 3:30am on the east coast of the United States, I didn't want to use that as an excuse" said Federer as he was sipping on coffee. "24 hours a day, I want to prove I'm the best."

Federer and his fans are looking forward to tournaments played in the United States, where the tennis will start at a more normal time. Until then, ESPN will just have to compete with the Girls Gone Wild Paid Programming that the other stations are showing at that time.

Kurt Warner Beats Favre in Race to Retire First

Kurt Warner has defeated Brett Favre in a race to retire first. Warner is doing everything he can do to improve his resume to make the Hall of Fame, and announcing his retirement before Favre shows to voters that he can make decisions quickly.

"I would like to retire today before Brett Favre retires" said Warner in his press conference. "I am hoping the media focuses on my accomplishments before the Super Bowl and before Favre retires. Those two events will overshadow my incredible underrated achievements."

This is Warner's first official retirement from the NFL, however he did take an indefinite leave of absence early in his career when he was released by the Green Bay Packers. With only one official retirement, Warner is hoping that stat convinces Hall of Fame voters that he is a Hall of Famer. For now, Warner has to wait five years as he makes appearances boosting his accomplishments.

Facebook Friday: News Feeds of Your Favorite Athletes

Allen Iverson became a fan of NBA All-Star Voting

Gilbert Arenas has no plans tonight. Who wants to hang out?

Gilbert Arenas and Conan O'Brien are now friends

Lebron James joined the group I kicked a water bottle and got fined $25,000

Matt Schaub is playing in the biggest game of his life this weekend!

Andre Dawson Goes Into the H.O.F. as a Denver Bear, the AAA Team

Andre Dawson will be inducted into the Hall of Fame as a Denver Bear, the AAA team he played with for one season in 1976. Dawson tore the league up, batting .350 with 20 home runs. He also had 10 stolen bases and a slugging percentage of over .700 with the team before getting called up to the Big Leagues.

"I spoke to the museum last night and told them what my preference was" said Dawson. "I really enjoyed facing inferior competition and the people I met playing in Denver. It was definitely the highlight of my career."

The Hall announced its decision yesterday, emphasizing the great affiliates of Major League clubs. Without playing so well in Denver, Dawson would have never gotten to chance to prove himself later at the big league level.

South Carolina Takes Down the John Wall

21 years after the Berlin Wall was taken down, another wall has been destroyed. The South Carolina Gamecocks have taken down the John Wall, after months of it being considered indestructible. The historic event was mentioned on espn.com, newscasts in Lexington, Kentucky and on Zaiger's Sports of Sorts. The historic event shows the world that a group of lousy students can come together for a common cause, tackle new challenges, and make a lot of people rich in Las Vegas and on Sportsbook.com.

The John Wall has been taken down for now but there are rumors that it will be rebuilt better than ever from this shocking event. In the postgame news conference, Kentucky said that the John Wall will only become stronger after this disappointment.

NFL Runs Out of Players in Pro Bowl, Tim Tebow Voted In

Soon to be Jacksonville Jaguar Tim Tebow has been voted into his first Pro Bowl, becoming the first player in NFL history to play in the Pro Bowl before playing in the NFL. With half the AFC Pro Bowl team playing in the Super Bowl instead, the AFC had to scramble to find star players who fans know.

"It is important to get names that fans have heard of" said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. "It is a huge risk to move the Pro Bowl to the week before the Super Bowl so we're hoping that Tim Tebow's good looks will get us huge ratings."

Tebow is expected to be a replacement many times in his career, as the Jaguars are never expected to make it all the way to the Super Bowl.

Colts Say Wearing AFC Championship Gear Not a Goal of Their's

The Colts refused to wear AFC Championship Shirts and Hats after their win yesterday against the Jets, insisting that it should be donated with the Jets gear to poor countries in Africa...or a team that has never won anything like the Houston Texans.

"Making history and winning the AFC title game was never a goal of the team" said head coach Jim Caldwell. "When we achieve our only goal of the year in two weeks which is to win the Super Bowl, we will gladly wear the Super Bowl championship merchandise."

Colts fans will still be able to purchase these meaningless hats and shirts for $20 each. Suppliers are eager to get rid of them before the Colts win the Super Bowl in two weeks and they become even more meaningless. For those fans who want to save some money, wait a few weeks and you can get it a lot cheaper on Ebay when the Super Bowl stuff will be more in demand.

Drew Brees to Rest for Super Bowl During NFC Title Game

FANTASY FOOTBALL ALERT: Drew Brees will sit during the NFC Title Game, so he can be rested for the Super Bowl. With a weekoff next Sunday, Brees will have another 3 week break, just like he did to end the season. With the Saints playing at home and the fans on their side, the Saints believe that there is no way they will lose today.

Backup quarterback Mark Brunell will face the Vikings, equalizing the experience and knowledge of the just as old quarterback he's facing in Brett Favre. The goal for the Saints this year hasn't been to win the NFC Title Game, but it's been to win the Super Bowl. They don't want Brees to get injured in a meaningless game when they have the biggest game of their lives in two weeks against the Colts.

Tiger Woods Wishing the Sex Rehab Employees Were Hotter

According to TMZ, Tiger Woods is disappointed that the girls working at the Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Mississippi aren't horny and good-looking. Woods is paying $60,000 for the program and for that type of money, Woods expected the female employees to be performing sexual favors frequently.

Tiger only has a few weeks left in sex rehab, before he gets to return to the wildlife and feast on any girl he likes. For now, he is hoping the organization hires new female employees, or more female patients enter the rehab facility. Woods' has a "taste" for females with sex addictions, according to his dating history.

Facebook Friday: News Feeds of Your Favorite Athletes

Mark McGwire left the group I Have Never Taken Steroids, Period
Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds Like This

Miguel Cabrera joined the group I Don't Remember What Happened Last Night

Kobe Bryant became a fan of I Have 5,000 Less Points than Wilt Chamberlain girls

New York Yankees is attending 2010 World Series

Rex Ryan is hoping that Curtis Painter plays this week

Mark Sanchez became a fan of Nate Kaeding

UNC Basketball Tanking to Get #1 Pick in NCAA Draft

The North Carolina Tar Heels are tanking in an effort to get the #1 pick in the NCAA Draft so they can get the top recruit for one season before they leave for the NBA. The Tar Heels lost to Wake Forest last night, losing their 3rd straight game. Without a realistic chance to win the championship, the Tar Heels are looking towards the future.

"We make our players look bad so NBA scouts aren't impressed with them" said Coach Roy Williams. "If we can convince our recruits that our current players suck, they will be under the impression that they'll get playing time when they arrive."

North Carolina's next basketball game is against NC State. The rest of their schedule is against the tough ACC, teams who they're not competing against for that #1 pick. If the Tar Heels had to do it all over again, they would have lost to non-conference foes Presbyterian, Marshall and Albany to give them an advantage to get that pick. However, they did help their cause by losing to the College of Charleston on January 4th.

Fox to Air Cowboys Losing 5x A Week at 10pm

Fox hit the jackpot last week when the Cowboys got blown out by the Minnesota Vikings, 34-3. Over 19 million fans watched the game and Fox is hoping those fans remain loyal to the show. Stealing a similar strategy from NBC, Fox will be showing Cowboy losses 5 times a week at 10pm EST starting next month.

"We will do whatever it takes to get good ratings and crush those other stations" said a representative from Fox. "We know that most of America likes it when the Cowboys lose so we are going to show them what they want."

At first, Fox will show games where the Cowboys get blown out in. That will develop into games that they choked, games they were supposed to win, and other embarrassing Cowboy moments. If the ratings remain high for Cowboy losses, look for Fox to show Yankee losses at 9pm leading up to the Dallas game.

Texas Basketball Rests Players for NCAA Tournament

The Texas Longhorns basketball team lost to Kansas State last night but according to head coach Rick Barnes, going undefeated was not a goal of the team.

"Our goal from day one was to win the Super Bowl, I mean the NCAA tournament" said coach Barnes. "We have invested a lot of money from agents and cars bought for recruits to get them to come to Texas and win the championship."

After basically locking up a bid in the NCAA Tournament after game 5 of the season, Texas has been preparing for March Madness. Players will rest the rest (pun intended) of the season to give their bodies rest (pun intended again) for the grueling six games in four weeks that happens in March.

Colts to Start Manning Over Painter Against the Jets

According to coach Jim Caldwell, the Colts plan to start Peyton Manning and play him all 4 quarters next week against the Jets. The two teams faced off in Week 16, with Manning playing the first half, while Curtis Painter played most of the second half. Apparently, there is no quarterback controversy in Indy.

"We have looked at a lot of film of that game and we believe that Peyton gives us the best chance to win" said Caldwell. "Manning has the post season experience, he's a perennial Pro Bowler, and has appeared in a lot more commercials than Painter."

In the matchup against the Jets last decade, Manning put up better numbers than Painter. He went 14-21 for 192 yards, while Painter went 4-11 for 44 yards. However, don't be surprised to see Painter play if the Colts get a big lead and start resting their star players.

Tiger Woods Playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour Video Game to Stay in Shape

Tiger Woods has been spotted playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2010 on his wii, implying that he might be coming back to the tour sooner rather than later. According to stalkers with binoculars, Tiger was seen practicing his swing and shooting in the 60's on his Wii, although he did set it at the easiest level.

Even if Tiger doesn't want to be seen in public playing golf, he can enter golf tournaments on the wii and compete against the best players in the world. He has already broken many PGA Tour records, so he might want to conquer other challenges. Since the wii has only been around for a few years, records are a lot more achievable than those of the PGA Tour which has been around for decades.

Recruit Chooses USC to Spend Redshirt Year with Lane Kiffin

Steve Recruit has chosen USC over Florida, Florida State, Miami, South Florida and Central Florida, and is excited to be a Trojan. Most of all, he is excited to redshirt next year under Lane Kiffin and then hopes that USC hires a good coach when Kiffin leaves for another job.

"I couldn't be more excited to spend my redshirt year learning under Kiffin" said Recruit. "He has coached with the Raiders, Tennessee, and some other great places for one year. This is going to be the best year of my life!"

Recruit is keeping his options open for his real freshman year after Kiffin leaves. He has already made a list of potential transfer schools if he doesn't like who USC hires when Kiffin quits after his first season.

Facebook Friday: News Feeds of Your Favorite Athletes

LANE KIFFIN became a fan of Trojan Condoms
Matt Leinart likes this

TOM CABLE joined the group I Have Less Job Security than Conan O'Brien

Chad Ochocinco became a fan of 75% of the Earth is covered by water, the rest is covered by Darrelle Revis

NOBODY became a fan of Sports of Sorts

ALEX RODRIGUEZ poked Kate Hudson

GILBERT ARENAS became a fan of Plaxico Burress, Michael Vick, and 184 Other Profiles

TIGER WOODS is taking an indefinite leave of absence from being alive. I'll come out of hiding eventually.

DAVID TYREE joined the Group I put Gum on My Helmet

East Carolina Rushes the Court After Covering Spread

The Pirates of East Carolina rushed the court yesterday, after losing 77-57 to Memphis and covering the 21.5 point spread. Memphis took a quick 23 point lead, which resulted in a nail biter for the remainder of the game. As the second half came to an end and each point got more important, each team put in their worst players, almost as if they didn't care about the point spread. A basket by some random guy on East Carolina that nobody has ever heard of scored the winning basket to lower the deficit to less than 21.5 points.

The covering of the spread was a huge accomplishment for a team like East Carolina, who is building their program to cover spreads more often against teams like Memphis. The covering of the spread will do wonders for the team, as recruits know they're just as good as the odds makers make them out to be.

Reasons Why Pete Carroll Left USC for Seattle

1. He can now lure players with cash and cars...legally this time

2. The USC Song Girls get boring. Time for some new Sea Gals.

3. Starbucks!

4. He can start recruiting 8 year olds and not have to worry about UCLA

5. No longer has to play teams from the state of Oregon

Mark McGwire Finally Admits He Sucked At Everything Besides Hitting Home Runs

If't been 1552 days since Mark McGwire wanted to talk about the future but I guess he's had enough of all that 2012 end of the world talk, so he decided to admit something about his past. It's been eight years since he retired from baseball because nobody wanted him, and he's finally decided to be honest with himself: "I sucked at everything except hitting Home Runs."

"I wish I had never hit a home run. It was foolish and it was a mistake" McGwire wrote on his Twitter account. "I wish I focused on my speed so I could have been like Ricky Henderson. The Ricky Hendersons of the world are making the Hall of Fame these days. People who have hit home runs like myself, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds are not."

McGwire truly did suck at everything except hitting runs. He didn't hit a triple between 1989-1998. Not once in 1994 did he sacrifice his body by allowing the ball to hit him so he could advance to first, ironic because he was sacrificing his body by taking steroids. He had no stolen bases in 2001, the final straw in getting McGwire to retire following that season. For once, a star like McGwire has told the truth and nothing but the truth: he really sucked besides hitting home runs.

Arrogant Fans Go 0-3 In Wild Card Weekend

With the Giants not making the playoffs and the Eagles, Packers and Patriots losing this weekend, the most arrogant fans in the NFL no longer have a team to root in the NFL playoffs. TV Networks are hoping these arrogant fans still watch the rest of the playoffs, even if their selfish ego-driven players aren't playing. Fans of the other teams who have better sportsmanship and more realistic expectations are rejoicing.

"No longer do I have to hear about how much my team sucks" said a New York Jets fan whose girlfriend was crying next to him in her Eli Manning jersey. At a local bar in Baltimore, a group of 12 people dressed like purple grapes chanted "na na na na, na na na, hey hey hey, good bye."

Meanwhile, these arrogant fans, aka LOSERS, are quickly looking ahead to other sports where they can trash talk and tell other fans that their team is unbeatable. Giants fans are walking the streets of Manhattan wearing their 2009 Yankees World Series shirts. Eagles fans are walking the streets of Philadelphia wearing their 2008 World Series Phillie hats. The Patriot fans are walking around Boston wearing their 2008 Celtics NBA Champion sweatshirts. Lastly, Packers are walking around holding a pile of swiss cheese.

Tony Romo Extends Playoff Win Streak to One

With the win over the Philadelphia Eagles last night, Tony Romo extended his career-long playoff win streak to one. In a case of what have you done for me lately, Romo is now considered the best quarterback in Texas, slightly beating out injured Colt McCoy and some 5-Star High School QB with a cannon of an arm that you've never heard of.

Romo tried to downplay the streak in his postgame press conference, claiming that he hasn't been keeping track of how many playoff wins he has in a row, as he's just been taking it one game at a time. Romo will look to extend the streak to two games next week where he can enlarge his legend-status even more. However, if Romo should lose, nobody can blame him because everyone knows you can't win every game.

The Curse of the Matsui Getting Stronger

It's been over 60 days since the New York Yankees last won the World Series, and the curse of the Matsui seems to be getting bigger and bigger. The pressure from the fans and media built immediately after the Yankees decided not to resign the World Series MVP. The Red Sox had to deal with the curse of the Bambino after getting rid of Babe Ruth, and the Yankees are now dealing with similar spirits.

"It's one thing to get rid of Babe Ruth because nobody knew exactly how good he'd be" said ObnoxiousYanksFan2000 on an internet message board. "However, there's no excuse to giving up on the World Series MVP. The World Series Gods are never going to send their good spirits ever again after disrespecting them like that."

At first, many people didn't pay attention to the curse, as they thought the Yankees were just going into a slump. However, the longer the Yankees go without winning a World Series, the more and more people are jumping on the bandwagon and joining the Facebook group.

Colt McCoy Petitions NCAA to Give Him One More Game of Eligibility

Playing just two series in the first quarter in last night's BCS Title Game before getting injured, Colt McCoy has petitioned the NCAA to give him one more game of eligibility. Touted as a top NFL draft selection, McCoy wants to fulfill his promise to Mack Brown that he'll complete his four years of eligibility. McCoy wants to do whatever it takes to win the national championship next season.

"After a great deal of careful thought standing on the sideline for the past few hours, I have decided to return to Texas and play my final game" said McCoy. "I am very excited about this team, its returning players, and the lack of quality quarterbacks in next year's draft class."

Just because McCoy wants to come back to Texas, it doesn't mean the NCAA will allow it. Rumors from the NCAA's headquarters in Indianapolis show that most NCAA officials don't want to give him a full-game of eligibility, but will instead make him sit out the first two series of the game he plays in, to make up for the two series he played in last night. Either way, look for McCoy to hire an agent and lawyer to fight on his behalf against the NCAA.

NY Giants Eager to Prove Naysayers Wrong

The New York Giants say they are motivated by those who think they aren't going to win the Super Bowl this year. The NFL doesn't even have them playing this week. To make it even worse, Las Vegas doesn't even have odds for them to win the Super Bowl. The Giants started the season 4-0.

"It's not how you start the season but how you end it" said Giants coach Tom Coughlin. The Giants have posted articles in their locker room which discuss how the Giants are preparing for the off season. Coach Coughlin said he's not worried about the off season yet. "We have playoff games the next few weeks, the Super Bowl, and who can forge the important Pro Bowl in Florida this year. Then we'll worry about the off season and our extremely tough preseason next year."

According to the Playoff Pickem Challenge on ESPN.com, 0% of fans are selecting the Giants to win the Superbowl. With an us against the world attitude, the Giants are trying to figure out how to get to the Superbowl and prove the doubters wrong.

Facebook News Feeds of Your Favorite Athletes

ELI MANNING is attending Superbowl Viewing Party at My House
Brandon Marshall and Ben Roethlisberger like this

GILBERT ARENAS and PLAXICO BURRESS became a fan of Washington Bullets

CHARLIE WEIS became a fan of McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell and 16 other profiles

CENTRAL MICHIGAN is attending Meaningless Bowl Game Played in Between Orange Bowl and BCS Title Game

NEW YORK METS became a fan of Bill Buckner

TIM DONAGHY became a fan of Sportsbook.com

MAURICE JONES-DREW joined the Group Fantasy Football is Dumb

LEBRON JAMES became a fan of The New York Knicks

Usain Bolt Inspired by Cool Runnings

Usain Bolt has posted a message on his Twitter account that he is looking for 3 Jamaicans to form a bobsledding team with him. Based on the movie Cool Runnings, he knows that track stars make the best bobsledders, and nobody is faster than him. Bolt won 3 track & field gold medals in the 2008 Olympics, and is eager to participate in the 2010 Winter Olympics next month.

Bolt is asking people in Jamaica if they know of any bookies on the island who may have been kicked out of the sport of bobsledding because of a cheating scandal. Bolt is looking for a coach and knows that these cheating bookies make the best coaches. He also is looking for a push cart driver to round out the team with him.

College Bowl Mascot Matchups, January 4-7

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Broncos (Boise State) vs. Horned Frogs (TCU)
According to the very accurate web site Wikipedia, a bronco is an untrained horse that is unpredictably wild. Frogs can be slimy, and hard to catch, but they'll be match for a bunch of broncos. Just one step and that bronco will crush the frog and his horn to death. If the horned frogs can even survive the full 60 minutes, the broncos will inevitably score more beats.

FedEx Orange Bowl: Hawkeyes (Iowa) vs. Yellow Jackets (Georgia Tech)
Apparently, a Hawkeye is the nickname of the Delaware Indians that lived in the Iowa area in a novel. Yellow Jackets are so small that the Hawkeyes are going to have a hard time catching up to them. The yellow jackets won't be able to tackle the Hawkeyes, but they should have no problem stinging them and getting them to the ground because the Hawkeyes probably won't carry bug repellent with them to the stadium. We'll take the yellow jackets in what some would consider an upset.

GMAC Bowl: Chippewas (Central Michigan) vs. Trojans (Troy)
Another Native American group, the Chippewas will have a hard time facing the swords of the Trojans. Take the Trojans in this one.

Citi BCS National Title Game: Crimson Tide (Alabama) vs. Longhorns (Texas)
For a national championship game, you would think of things like bulls or buffalos but we're stuck with what we got. There was a movie called "Crimson Tide" a few years ago. You have to be real good for them to make a movie about you; just look at the Mighty Ducks and Coach Bombay. A long horn can poke you, but it doesn't have the mystique of a movie. If you've ever seen sports movies, you know that the good team always wins. We'll take the Crimson Tide to win the national championship.

NFL Fans Demand Playoff System to Determine Wild Cards, Not Tiebreakers

NFL fans are sick of tiebreakers determining the wild card teams, so they're hoping the NFL changes the rules in the future to have a playoff system to determine teams who are tied. Heading into the final day of NFL play, the Jets, Ravens, Broncos, Dolphins, Steelers, Texans, Jaguars, and probably some more than I forgot are fighting for the two wild card spots in the AFC.

With so many teams competing for those two spots, a tie between multiple teams will inevitably occur. When that happens, a computer will figure out the lucky teams through complicated tiebreakers that nobody really understands. The two selected teams that the computerized tiebreakers randomly select will get the privilege of losing to the New England Patriots and Cincinnati Bengals in the first round of the playoffs. The fans want the teams who are tied to battle it out on the field, rather than through computers. Until then, they'll just have to live with the team whose opponents had the toughest schedule in conference play or some random tiebreaker like that.

Tim Tebow Wins AP Athlete of the Decade, So Far

Tim Tebow has been named Athlete of the Decade So Far by the Media, the females of Florida, and everyone in the "Tim Tebow is God" Facebook group. Tebow has been spectacular this decade, having gone undefeated including winning the MVP in the 2010 Sugar Bowl. In the decade so far, Tebow has averaged four touchdowns per game, 482 passing yards per game, and has never thrown an interception. More importantly, his team has never lost.

Just like all of the games that Tebow has played this decade, the voting wasn't close whatsoever. The Chosen One was #1 on every ballot, including God's. Some random quarterback that isn't as good as Tebow that played on New Year's Day 2010 came in 2nd place.

Few athletes have been so good-looking and good at their sport this decade. Fox had a Tebow-Cam during their Sugar Bowl win against Cincinnati where stalkers got to go online and watch Tim Tebow's every movement on the sidelines. Tebow is expected to be drafted in the 2010 NFL Draft where teams probably won't play him, but will promise their fans that he'll play so they can sell tickets and merchandise.

College Bowl Mascot Matchups, January 1-3

Outback Bowl: Wildcats (Northwestern) vs. Tigers (Auburn)
In a matchup of similar animals, wild cats might be wild but tigers are ferocious and big. Big > Wild. Tigers will win this one.

Capital One Bowl: Nittany Lions (Penn State) vs. Tigers (LSU)
In a rivalry game between lions and tigers (no bears!), this one can go either way. It's really 50/50 but we'll go with the Nittany Lions because Mufasa in the Lion King is way cooler than Tigger.

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: Mountaineers (West Virginia) vs. Seminoles (Florida State)
In a game filled with unathletic groups of people, we'll take the Mountaineer. The last time we checked, football players don't use bow and arrows so the Seminoles are at a severe disadvantage. They were forced from the Southeast to Oklahoma many years ago and will have nightmares coming back to the homeland. The Mountaineers will win this one ugly.

Rose Bowl Game: Buckeyes (Ohio State) vs. Ducks (Oregon)
Like everyone who doesn't live in Ohio, we had no idea what the heck a buckeye was. A few definitions: the inedible nutlike seed of the horse chestnut and a breed of a chicken seemed to be the two most popular results on Google search. Ducks are very small and honestly, we can't see them tackling anybody. Since they probably have no idea what a buckeye is either, they'll have a hard time preparing for them. We'll take the unknown buckeye over a bunch of Quack Quacks.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: Bearcats (Cincinnati) vs. Gators (Florida)
A bearcat is neither a bear nor a cat, making it more of a flip-flopper than Brett Favre. However, New Orleans is no longer under water meaning that the Gators are going to have a hard time surviving. For that reason, we'll take the "bearcats."

Papajohns.com Bowl: Bulls (South Florida) vs. Huskies (UConn)
Bulls are big bruising animals who would be hard to take down. Meanwhile, huskies are sled dogs. Unfortunately for them, the game will be taking place in Alabama where snow is not expected. For that reason, we think the bulls will win the game and eat Papa Johns pizza to celebrate the victory.

AT&T Cotton Bowl: Cowboys (Oklahoma State) vs. Rebels (Ole Miss)
With AT&T dropping Tiger Woods yesterday, wouldn't it be ironic if the tigers were playing in this game? Cowboys are smart, deceitful, and even play in the NFL. The rebels will rebel against our prediction because we think the Cowboys will win. There's a reason they play in the NFL.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Razorbacks (Arkansas) vs. Pirates (East Carolina)
A bunch of rugged pigs and boars against a group that had movies made about them in the Caribbean. Last we checked, Memphis is not in the Caribbean. The Razorbacks are located near Memphis so they'll be more familiar with the area. We like the home-field advantage, as the pirates normally don't carry GPS's with them on their ships. Go Hogs!

Valero Alamo Bowl: Spartans (Michigan State) vs. Red Raiders (Texas Tech)
Spartans have experience fighting in wars and winning them. However, so do Raiders. The ultimate matchup in the battle of the gridiron, we'll take the Red Raiders because Red is our favorite color.