Ten Fearless Predictions for 2010

1. The Phillies will trade staff members, vintage World Series memorabilia from 2008, and the only three prospects they still have left to the Seattle Mariners for Cliff Lee.

2. Tiger Woods will appear on ABC's The Bachelor so he can date 15 girls at once

3. The Detroit Lions will not win the Superbowl on Sunday, February 7th

4. Lebron James will choose to play football at USC instead of taking a contract extension with the Cavaliers because USC offered him more money and cars.

5. You will rip up your bracket by the end of the first day of the NCAA basketball tournament in March

6. Boise State will beat TCU in the Fiesta Bowl, but when their running back scores the game-winning touchdown, he'll get confused and propose to the mascot.

7. George Steinbrenner will fire Joe Girardi in March when the Yankees lose to an inferior team in Spring Training

8. Tim Tebow will either cry when drafted by a bad team early in the NFL draft, or cry when players not as good-looking as him get drafted ahead of him.

9. The Indianapolis Colts will rest their starters in the first half of the Superbowl because the 4th quarter is when the game will be decided anyway, so why risk injury in the first three?

10. Michael Phelps will petition the International Olympic Committee to introduce swimming in a frozen lake as an Olympic sport so he can participate in the Vancouver Olympics.

49ers Clinch Non-Playoff Birth, Vow to Still Play Their Starters...Maybe

Despite clinching 2nd place in the NFC West and being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the San Francisco 49ers will play all of their mediocre starters this week against the I-AA NFL team, the Saint Louis Rams. The 49ers could easily rest their starters this week so they don't get hurt in a meaningless game but have decided against it. However, Vernon Davis has a trip to Florida in a month to play in the very important Pro Bowl and may sit out a few series so he can be rested for that game.

"You Play to Win the Game" said a Youtube clip from head coach Mike Singletary's computer during his press conference. The 49ers don't want to lose the small bit of momentum they've built all season, just for it to go to naught in the last game. The team is already preparing for next year's preseason games in August. By resting their starters this week, they would be taking a step back in preparation for those preseason games.

However, the 49ers want their best players to be rested for the preseason games in eight months and could rest some starters in addition to Davis. To add even more controversy, families of the players are pressuring the team to rest their starters so nobody gets hurt. Many players are taking vacations with their families after the final game this week and the last thing they want to do is break their ankle and have to skip the vacation. It's already easy enough for these athletes to cheat on their wives and get any girl they want; it would be even easier when the girls feel pity for them because they have the world's biggest cast on their leg.

Favre Irked About Being Taken Out on Defense

Brett Favre didn't want to come out of yesterday's game in overtime when the Bears got the ball first. With Favre not playing defense, the Vikings allowed 36 points to a Jay Cutler lead offense, including a touchdown pass to unknown Devin Aromashodu. Video that was probably photo-shopped from a camera phone was posted on Youtube showing Favre putting head coach Brad Childress into a head lock when Childress wouldn't let him into the game. He let the media know of his displeasure after the game.

"I'm a hall of fame quarterback who has played in 582,559 games in a row" said Favre in his press conference. "Our defense allowed 36 points. Who cares if we've already clinched a playoff spot? I wanted to be out on the field for every play including special teams so we could win the game."

As an extra incentive for Favre, he knew that this would be an excellent opportunity to break one of the few records he doesn't have: most interceptions by a defender. Favre is only 81 interceptions behind Paul Krause and facing a guy like Cutler, Favre knew he could really make a push for the record before facing Eli Manning in the regular season finale next week.

Bobby Bowden Interested in Coaching Florida Gators Football Team

With Urban Meyer announcing that he is taking a leave of absence, former Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden is interested in being the short term replacement for Meyer in Gainesville. Bobby Bowden understands that he might not have many years left, so he is offering his services for a few years until Meyer improves his health and is ready to come back.

"I have an excellent resume and feel like I am the most qualified person to get this job temporarily" said Bowden from a Florida Bingo Hall. "I have won two national titles, twelve conference championships, and am the oldest coach ever at Florida State to be forced to resign. If there's someone that has a more impressive resume than me, please let me know who they are."

Having faced the Gators as the head coach at Florida State, Bowden understands the rivalry. With his familiarity of the Seminoles, he would have insider knowledge when the two teams face each other next year. Nothing would please Bowden more than to beat his old team.

Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Playoff Edition (Week 16)

Start:

Jay Cutler---Despite clinching 3rd place in the NFC North, the Bears plan on still starting their starters. Go ahead and use Cutler if he's your top quarterback.

Brett Favre---Favre came back to the Vikings to win a championship. Since this is the championship week in most fantasy leagues, he'll be motivated to go out on top.

Sit:

Jets Defense---If the Colts are really thinking of sitting Manning in favor of this Curtis Painter guy, he must be really good.

Terrell Owens---You know how the Bills always lose in the Superbowl. It's no different in the Fantasy Football Superbowl. Sit Terrell, unless you want to come in second.

Pray:

It's the Championship Week. Congratulations on making it this far! Pray that your players catch balls with their heads, your opponent has a Leon Lett moment, and that Janet Jackson's right boob doesn't pop out during halftime of Superbowl Sunday in between the 1pm and 4pm games.

College Bowl Mascot Matchups, December 26-30

Little Caesars Bowl: Thundering Herd (Marshall) vs. Bobcats (Ohio)
One of the most intimidating mascots of the bowl season, nobody wants to face a herd of animals, let alone a thundering herd of animals. Not exactly sure which animals the herd consists of, but that just creates more fear in the opponents because of the unpredictability. Bobcats are animals that hang out in the woods and hunt all sorts of creatures. While a bobcat would certainly win most matchups, it has no chance against a thundering herd of unknown animals.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: Panthers (Pitt) vs. Tar Heels (North Carolina)
Are you intimidated by the heel of a foot? Even if it’s tar, who cares. The Panthers get a dream matchup with this one. They'll win huge.

Emerald Bowl : Eagles (Boston College) vs. Trojans (USC)
Eagles can fly but aren’t necessarily strong nor big. Meanwhile, the Trojans of Troy have been around for thousands of years, have had movies made about them, and are tough warriors that know how to win a war. We’ll take the toughness over the ability to fly in this one. Fight on!

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: Aggies (Texas A&M) vs. Bulldogs (Georgia)
After much research, we’re still not sure what exactly an Aggie is. Apparently, it’s the spirit of Texas A&M. Bulldogs are small, but tough to get the ball away from. Ever throw a tennis ball to one of them and not be able to get it back? We’ll take the dog over a spirit.

EagleBank Bowl: Bruins (UCLA) vs. Owls (Temple)
A bruin is a bear. Nobody wants to go up against a bear. Meanwhile, owls like to sleep during the night and hunt at night. Unfortunately for them, this game will be played in the afternoon. For that reason, the Bruins are going to win going away.

Champs Sports Bowl: Hurricanes (Miami) vs. Badgers (Wisconsin)
Hurricanes are so powerful, they can flood cities, blow away houses and cause fatal injuries. Badgers, according to wikipedia, are short-legged, heavy-set carnivores in the weasel family. John McCain has a better chance to beat Obama in the election at this point, than a Badgers do of surviving a hurricane, let alone beating one.


Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl: Falcons (Bowling Green) vs. Vandals (Idaho)
Falcons are quick birds who can change direction rapidly. Meanwhile, Vandals are people who vandalize and steal other people’s things. We’ll take the Falcons, just because we’d rather root for the good guys to win.


Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Wildcats (Arizona) vs. Cornhuskers (Nebraska)
What a wild matchup this is…literally. Wildcats are ferocious and smart. They know when to attack and when to be conservative. Meanwhile, cornhuskers don't appear to be the toughest, most athletic people in the world. We’ll take the Wildcats in a strange matchup.

Christmas Songs Sung by Your Favorite Teams

Jesper Parnevik: I Saw Tiger Kissing Santa Claus
Washington Redskins: Jim Zorn's Coaching Career Roasting On An Open Fire
Penn State Football: Really Old Saint Paternolas
Notre Dame Football: I'll Be Home for Christmas
New Jersey Nets: All We Want for Christmas is a #1 Pick
Detroit Lions: Offensive Line Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Duke Basketball: Silent Night...(whoosh)
USC Football: Here Comes Santa Claus...oh wait, it's just another agent giving us a car

Things that Athletes Are Asking Santa Claus For

Kevin Youkilis: Nothing. He's Jewish.
Tim Donaghy: An application to become an MLB Umpire
Doug Mientkiewicz and Mike Krzyzewski: A new name so people can spell it correctly
Charlie Weis: A Bic Mac from McDonalds
Washington Redskins: A New Team
Usain Bolt: 3 new friends so Jamaica can have another bobsled team
Saint Louis Rams: A Detroit Lions win so they can get the #1 pick in the NFL Draft
New York Yankees: A World Series Ring. They haven't won one in two months
The Big 10 Conference: Football
Brett Favre: Someone to write his next retirement speech so he has something new to say this time around
Derek Jeter: Kate Hudson

Redskins Try “Swinging Gate” Fake Kickoff, Fails Miserably Of Course

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. Shortly after the botched fake field goal attempt against the Giants on Monday night to end the first half, Jim Zorn decided to start the second half with a fake kickoff. He shifted all of his players to the left to what looked like an onside kick formation. Unfortunately for the Redskins, the kicker also shifted and they had nobody to kick the ball. The Redskins were eventually called for a delay of game.

“It was a good play call, we just didn’t execute it properly” said Redskins Intern Jim Zorn. “The play was unique enough that I thought it would force the Giants to waste a valuable 2nd half timeout in a complete blowout, but they smelled it out quickly and played great defense.”

Jim Zorn has been fined $5,000 by the NFL for the play, due to being a complete idiot. Zorn is planning to send a check to the commissioner, although there are rumors that he will fake sending it in and just call up to give his credit card number once the NFL figures out his great strategy.

Mark Mangino Disappointed Not to Be Playing in Food-Sponsored Bowl Game

It’s been a few weeks since Mark Mangino resigned from his position as head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks, but it’s not until now that the effects are affecting him. Mangino always looked forward to seeing what bowl game the Jayhawks would be playing in, hoping it was sponsored by a food-product that would be giving out free samples. Many of the 196 bowl games this season are sponsored by food products: The Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, the Papajohns.com Bowl, and the Orange Bowl.

“I was never a big fan of the Orange Bowl” said Mangino while dining at a local KFC establishment. “First of all, our team was never good enough to make such a prestigious bowl game and second, oranges are way to healthy for my diet. The Papajohns.com Bowl was always my favorite because I love greasy pizza.” Mangino commented that when he first started coaching, he thought the food would come in a bowl like the name said.

Mangino is spending his holidays looking for a head coaching or assistant coaching job. He is scheduled to interview with the Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin Cajuns because he likes Cajun food. Nebraska is also a possibility because he’s a fan of corn. Since he’s not a fan of oranges, Mangino is not interested in working for the Syracuse Orange.

Joshua Cribbs' Kickoff Returns Limit Browns Time of Possession

The Cleveland Browns are struggling in the time of possession category this season, and Joshua Cribbs' two kickoff returns yesterday didn't help. The Browns had the ball for a combined 29 seconds in the two runbacks.

Cribbs is looking for a new contract this offseason and his lack of respect towards the team holding onto the ball for an extended period of time will certainly be considered during negotiations. Cribbs has been known in his career for returning kickoffs and punts for touchdowns, limiting the time of possession for the Browns.

To improve the stat, the Cleveland Browns plan to knee the ball on every possession next week, avoiding incomplete passes that stop the clock and limit their time on offense. Brady Quinn's rush yardage is expected to take a major hit but Quinn is a team player and will do whatever plays are called for him. However, the Browns will only get this opportunity if Cribbs doesn't return punts and kickoffs for touchdowns.

Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 15

Start:

Chad Ochocinco---Chad plans on wearing Chris Henry's jersey so not only will he be getting fantasy points for himself, but he'll be getting 'em for Henry as well. Two for the price of one. Start Ochocinco

Tony Romo---With Romo now being the placeholder, he will get points on all fake field goal attempts.

Sit:

Tim Tebow---Even though everybody is talking about him on the Jacksonville Jaguars, he's still not on their official roster. Sit Tebow.

Peyton Manning---With the Saints losing, Manning will feel the pressure of being the only undefeated team in the league. He probably won't be able to handle it.

Pray:

Pray that your players are from the North. You know how those southerners are when there's an inch of snow, let alone 2 feet

College Bowl Mascot Matchups, December 19-25

New Mexico Bowl: Cowboys (Wyoming) vs. Bulldogs (Fresno State)
Cowboys are used to dealing with animals. They tend to overpower these animals. Meanwhile, bulldogs are small, especially compared to the animals cowboys normally deal with. Remember when Zach Morris in Saved by the Bell stole the bulldog from Valley? If Zach Morris can handle a bulldog, then cowboys certainly can too. Take Wyoming in the upset.

St. Petersburg Bowl presented by Beef O'Brady's: Knights (Central Florida) vs. Scarlet Knights (Rutgers)
This one was tough. We had to do some research to see exactly what the difference is between a Knight and a Scarlet Night. Rutgers is the scarlet knights because their team wore scarlet turbans in their first game in 1869. Meanwhile, UCF became the Knights in 2007. Since Rutgers has more experience being Knightly, we think the experience will pay off. We'll take the Scarlet Knights over the Knights in a close family-battle.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Golden Eagles (Southern Miss) vs. Blue Raiders (Middle Tennessee)
According to wikipedia, golden eagles can fly up 150 mph. Anytime you can fly, that's a huge advantage. None of us have really seen a blue raider before, so we'll take the speedy animal in a blowout.

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Beavers (Oregon State) vs. Cougars (BYU)
Sexual jokes aside, this is one of the best matchups of the first week of the very long bowl season this year. Beavers are very defensive, having the ability to create dams to hide. However, they are quite slow. The cougars will have the size and speed advantage in this matchup. The Cougars offense vs. the Beavers defense will decide the winner. We'll take the Cougs but it can go either way.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utes (Utah) vs. Bears (California)
A Ute is a member of an Indian Tribe that habits the Utah area. Meanwhile, a bear is one of the most feared animals around. They are so feared, people are told to act dead around them so they don't attack. The Native Americans have bow and arrows but we don't think they do much hunting in Utah. We think the intimidation factor of the bears will win it for them

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Wolf Pack (Nevada) vs. Mustangs (SMU)
The fact that it's a Wolf Pack and not just one wolf is critical in this matchup. Anytime you can have support behind you, it's tough for the competitor to take on the whole. A mustang is a horse. Horses are big animals, but not necessarily known for their toughtness. We'll take quantity over quality in this one. The Wolf Pack will win.

Colts Punter Pat McAfee Says Peyton is a Ball Hog

Pat McAfee's three punt attempts last night seemed to be the last straw for the rookie punter. Only touching the ball three times all game, Hunter was angry that he had to travel all the way to Jacksonville just for that.

"Peyton gets to touch the ball when we run the ball, when we pass the ball, or even when there's a bad snap and he has to jump on it" said McAfee to himself because none of the postgame reporters wanted to to speak to him. "If Peyton was a punter, there would be no way he gets the publicity he gets now as a quarterback."

Manning didn't seem to mind the comments. He said that if he can play a perfect game next week against the New York Jets, McAfee won't even see the playing field, let alone touching the ball. For those playing fantasy football, McAfee should not be starting on your team.

Phillies Cancel Minor League Affiliates Due to Lack of Players

With the Phillies trading half their prospects for Cliff Lee and trading the other half of the farm system with Cliff Lee to Seattle and Toronto to get Roy Halladay, they have ran out of players to field teams next year. Rather than rushing low-level players to field one team at the AAA level, the Phillies will play intersquad games to keep the players healthy and active.

However, the Phillies will not invite scouts to view the intersquad scrimmages so other teams will have a hard time judging the talent of the Phillie prospects when they want to dump overpaid veterans to the Phillies to clear salary space. The Phillies hope to sign lots of Dominicans next year so they can once again play minor league baseball in 2011.

Saint Louis Rams Demoted to I-AA NFL

After an embarrassing 47-7 loss to the Tennessee Titans this past weekend, the Saint Louis Rams are demoting their football program down to the I-AA level. By moving down a level, the Rams will be able to compete against teams that match their talent level: The 2008 Detroit Lions, the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and just about every Oakland Raiders team of the past five years.

“There is absolutely no way we can compete against the top NFL teams because they actually have NFL talent” said an anonymous Rams Representative who didn't want his name public that he worked for the Rams. “By participating in a lower level of football, our salaries will be lower which inturn, will allow us to only charge our fans $4.75 for a hot dog instead of $5.00. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved.”

Tiger Woods Adds New Sponsors: Viagra, Trojan Condoms, and the National Polygamist Association

Despite losing some sponsors who believe that people shouldn't cheat on their Swedish bikini model ex-babysitter wives, Tiger Woods has added new companies to sponsor him: Viagra, Trojan Condoms and the National Polygamist Association. Each company plans to use Tiger in their new marketing campaigns.

One of the risks of advertising tied to a celebrity is that their image can change overnight. However, these companies believe that Tiger has proven to the world that he is a sex addict, and will be known as one for the immediate future. Viagra plans to use Tiger in its commercials, showing that people who use Viagra will get to have sex with reality stars, cocktail waitresses, and porn stars.

Trojan Condoms are proud of their new partnership with Tiger. "We support Tiger and his healthy lifestyle." said a Trojan representative. "If there are still girls who have yet to come out, we would like you to tell the world what condom brand you used when you banged Tiger, especially if it was a Trojan."

The National Polygamy Association is also encouraging girls to come out, even if it's a complete lie. They believe that if Tiger Woods is promoting polygamy, other people will follow in his foot-steps and the membership in their organization will increase. Tiger Woods jokes are really popular on Google right now, and the association is looking to brand itself with these funny jokes.

PGA Tour to Take an Indefinite Leave of Absence

Just like Tiger did last week, the PGA Tour will be taking an indefinite leave of absence as they try to find the next superstar golfer. Here is the statement released on their web site:

"We are deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that Tiger Woods' leave of absense has caused to so many people, including our sponsors and television networks. We assume that you have heard that he will not be playing professional golf in the immediate future. During this time when you would have never heard of any of the golfers at the top of our leaderboards, we ask that you pray that we find another young good-looking smart golfer who will be able to carry our profession for years to come, or at least until Tiger divorces from Elin and comes back.

After much soul searching and a look at how bad our ratings were last year when Tiger was injured, we have decided to take an indefinite break from having golf tournaments. We need to focus our attention on finding the next superstar of golf, so we can get better ratings than ice skating, the NHL, and tennis. Thank you for your understanding and Tiger, please come back soon. We beg of you!"

The PGA Tour did not give an indication on when they might attempt a comeback, although there is a 12 year old golf prodigy in Arizona who is impressive in his youtube videos. Cocktail waitresses and reality wannabes are already sending him their phone numbers.

Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Playoff Edition (Week 14)

Start:

Tom Brady: First impressions are everything. With Brady’s second kid being born a few days ago, Brady doesn’t want his son to think he’s a mediocre quarterback. Expect Brady to have a nice game.

Terrell Owens: This will likely be the only time Owens will get to play in the playoffs as a Buffalo Bill. Owens will want to put up big fantasy points.

Sit:

Tony Romo: Romo has never won a playoff game in his career. Now that the fantasy football playoffs are here, it’s time to sit him so you have a chance of winning.

Ben Roethlisberger: Big Ben played on Thursday and was terrible against Cleveland. If it’s not too late, sit Ben this week.

Pray:

Pray that your team doesn’t get nervous in the playoffs. Each fantasy week from now on is extremely important. One loss and all that studying of preseason magazines during work hours gearing up for the draft was a waste

Report: HS Cheerleaders Dating Golfers, Not Football Players

There's a whole new meaning to getting it in the hole. According to a report by IHadAnAffairWithTigerWoods.com, slutty high school cheerleaders are dating golfers more than the typical football jocks. Good looking golfers like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson overshadow fat overweight alcoholics like John Daly, and are making the golf team the talk of the cheerleading squads all across the country.

"I would like to thank Tiger Woods for making me cool" said a 105 skinny nerdy golfer from Smith High School who has a 4.0 GPA. "I am going to prom with the captain of the cheerleading squad."

Dating experts say that golfers are good catches for girls. A 69 is always good for a golfer, but they don't limit themselves and know they could do better. It might take them a few shots but they eventually get it in the hole. Plus, their balls are always clean. What more can the blonde cheerleading captain ask for?

Steelers Making it Difficult for Teams to Get #1 Pick in the NFL Draft

Nothing in the NFL is easy, especially trying to get the #1 pick in the draft. With losses to the Kansas City Chiefs, Oakland Raiders, and the Cleveland Browns, the Pittsburgh Steelers are killing the dreams of losing teams to get the #1 pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. Teams are doing their best to have the worst record in the league so they can get Ndamukong Suh, but the Steelers are making their lives difficult.

Meanwhile, teams like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Saint Louis Rams are happy the Steelers aren't on their schedule. With losses by the Steelers to the Chiefs, Raiders, and Browns, the Rams and Bucs are the leading contenders to get the #1 pick in the draft. The two teams have a combined 2 wins, one less than the Chiefs, Raiders and Browns combined against the Steelers alone.

Oakland Raiders Reach 75th Straight Game Without Being Upset

By beating a Pittsburgh team that was favored to win anyway, the Oakland Raiders reached their 75th straight game without being upset. The streak is expected to continue this week as the Raiders are underdogs to the Washington Redskins and thus, cannot be upset.

"We are excited that we haven't lost to a team worse than us in 75 games" said Oakland Raiders Bossman Al Davis. "If we continue to beat the teams we're supposed to beat and lose to the teams we're supposed to lose to, we'll be in good shape to get top 5 draft picks for years to come."

The streak started five years ago. Last season, the Raiders were just 5-11 but won every game they were favored in (which was none.) This year, they are 3-8 but they've been the underdog in all 8 losses. The streak is most likely to extend to next season, as they Raiders will be the underdog in each game so they cannot be upset.

Random I-AA Coach Says He's Not Interested in Notre Dame Job

Monmouth Head Football Coach Kevin Callahan has posted on his web site that he is not interested in coaching at Notre Dame. Callahan has done a mediocre job at a mediocre Monmouth program, and doesn't want to risk everything that he's worked for, just for a job like Notre Dame. While it doesn't seem like anybody is interested in the Notre Dame job these days, the Fighting Irish are still holding out hope that they can hire someone that the rich boosters will approve of.

"We're going to continue to try to find a coach that has some name recognition" said Notre Dame spokesman Brian Hardin. "We're running out of people to request an interview out of, so if you can think of anybody, please start a Facebook group so we can find out about it."

Callahan has coached at the New Jersey school for 17 years without ever being promoted to a better football program than Monmouth. Callahan denied interest in a statement released this morning.

"I haven't even been contacted by Notre Dame because they probably have never heard of me, but just in case I receive a call, I want it to be known that I'm not interested. I appreciate the overrated talent that will be returning for the Fighting Irish and their underachieving results of the past decade. However, I am more than happy to stay with the mediocrity I already have here at Monmouth. I work with a wonderful sales staff that does a great job selling tickets, I live right next to a gas station with a store that's open 24 hours a day, and I'm just a quick drive away from watching quality Big East football at Rutgers. I plan on staying here a long time, or eventually taking a job with a better football program and higher pay than Monmouth."

Colts and Saints Angry the NFL Doesn't Have the BCS System

Undefeated 12-0 New Orleans Saints and Indianapolis Colts are disappointed that the NFL hasn't adopted the unpopular BCS system from college football. The Saints and Colts are the unanimous #1 and #2 teams in every power ranking released by sports web sites this week. If the NFL instituted the BCS, these two teams would play in the Superbowl, while the other teams would play in meaningless bowl games such as the Pro Bowl.

With the NFL having a playoff system instead of the BCS, the Colts and Saints will have to win two games each in order to just make it to the Superbowl. Teams ranked lower in the Power Rankings such as the San Diego Chargers and Arizona Cardinals will have a chance to play the Colts and Saints in the playoffs, having to only beat them once to advance.

If a low ranked team should defeat the Saints or Colts, there will be a lot of controversy with the final power rankings. If the Cardinals should beat the Colts in the Superbowl, who should be ranked higher in the final power rankings? Is an Arizona Cardinals team better than an 18-1 Colts team? According to the Saints and Colts, the controversy could be avoided if the NFL listened to their college counterparts.

ESPN to Stop Following Tiger Woods Drama Because Golf is Not a Sport

Entertainment Sports Programming Network has agreed to stop following the Tiger Woods saga, coming to the conclusion that golf is not a sport and thus, should not be talked about on the worldwide leader in sports. Stations who follow celebrities who are not athletes such as E! will continue to follow this drama-filled story.

"We will live up to our name and follow sports-related stories only" said ESPN Booyah-Master Stuart Scott. "For that reason, we will show poker, fly fishing on Saturday mornings, and figure skating."

Despite the revelation, ESPN will continue to follow golf when athletes participate it in. If Michael Jordan golfs against Charles Barkley, ESPN will follow it. Until then, golf fans will have to turn to E! to keep updated on this developing story.

Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Week 13

The Normal Guy is too busy trying to get Dr. Pepper to donate $123,000 to his college funds for throwing a football into a giant inflated Dr. Pepper can. Come back next week to get his normal advice. In the meantime, go to espn.com to get advice from so-called normal guys who call themselves fantasy experts.

Fantasy Football Teams Resting Star Players for Playoffs

Fantasy teams across the country are resting their star players in preparation for the fantasy football playoffs, according to ESPN Fantasy Sports Start/Sit percentages. Teams who have guaranteed playoff spots in their leagues are sitting star players such as Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. Most leagues start their playoffs next week.

Resting star players in meaningless fantasy weeks not only give their player's rest, but it prevents other fantasy teams from preparing for them. Teams have learned from previous years where they may have started their star player every week during the regular season, and then lost in the first round of the playoffs.

However, not all teams are resting their best players. Some teams have won five or six straight weeks, and don't want to enter the playoffs on a loss, even if it doesn't mean anything in terms of seeding. Momentum is very important in sports. Of course, there are also those teams who are in the middle of a playoff race, or would like to get a higher seed, and will most definitely start their star players this week.

Tiger Sorry for Transgressions: Hit with a Titleist Club, Not a Nike

Tiger "Cheeta" Woods has admitted infidelity by having a Titleist Club in his house instead of a Nike. According to police reports, the scratch marks on his face were not consistent with marks from a Nike Club. Instead, the marks are of those from a Titlest Golf Club. which wife Elin used to beat him up. A former caddie for Tiger says that he has used Titlest Clubs in the past. Rumors from unreliable sources said the caddie was paid up to $100,000 for these comments that most people would have made for $10. According to US Weekly, there are over 300 photos of Woods with Titleist golf clubs. There is also a 15 second cell phone video of him not using a Nike club.

The rumors came to light when Tiger was injured in a car wreck last week. However, reports indicated that he got into a fight with his wife and was hit in the face with a golf club. Until now, the media assumed the golf club was a Nike, a brand Tiger has been associated with ever since he became a media darling in the mid 1990's. Nike has since confronted Tiger about the rumors.

Tiger says that he is extremely embarrassed that he has Titleist Clubs in the house and that he's only human and makes dumb mistakes. According to people close to Tiger, he is humiliated to own the same golf equipment as mediocre golfers such as Mark O'Meara, Brad Faxon, and Billy Mayfair. Having Titleist clubs caused Tiger to drive into a tree, where his Nike Clubs usually drive to the fairway.

Tiger Woods Named Playah of the Year

Tiger Woods has been named by Sporting News Magazine and US Weekly as the Playah of the Year, becoming the first golfer ever to win this prestigious award. The award in years past have gone to douches including actors, basketball players, and politicians. He joins elite company such as Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, and Eliot Spitzer. Woods will add this Playah of the Year trophy to his Player of the Year trophies from the PGA Tour.

Woods had a strong year when it came to being a playah. He was married to blonde bombshell Elin Nordegren. Apparently, that wasn't enough for the guy nicknamed Tiger. He had an extended affair with Jaimee Grubbs who he met in Las Vegas. To top it off and break away from the competition, Rachel Uchitel also accused him of having an affair. What a playah!

Sarah McLaughlin Does Sappy Commercial for Carolina Hurricanes

With the Carolina Hurricanes struggling in their first 26 games, Sarah McLaughlin has agreed to do a sappy commercial on behalf of the underfunded Carolina Hurricanes. The Hurricane are currently in last place, only winning 5 games out of the 26. Here is a transcript of the commercial:

"Every few days in Raleigh, North Carolina or another NHL city, the Carolina Hurricanes disappoint their fans with lousy shots, bad decisions, and bad penalties. Last year, they had 45 wins. This year, only five.

Hi, I'm Sarah McLaughlin. I don't follow hockey, in fact I've never even heard of the Carolina Hurricanes. But when my agent came to me with a 5 figure sum in order to appear in a commercial for them, I agreed. Please donate money that you don't have to the Hurricanes. Right now, there are NHL players who have worked their entire life to get to this point and are stuck with the Hurricanes. Tickets to watch your team lose are on sale right now. Please donate to this worthwhile cause."

White House Crashers Crash New York Knicks Game

Michaele and Tareq Salahi, also known as the White House Party crashers, crashed the New York Knicks game on Sunday but nobody really noticed. According to reports, the couple took a secret entrance past security and walked right into the arena. They went straight to midcourt, sat close to the action, but nobody cared. Since they were pretty much the only people at the game, it didn't really matter where they sat.

The Salahis canceled an in-game interview on the local Knicks broadcast when they realized nobody would be watching the game to see it. Mr. Salahi came dressed up for the game in a tux and bow tie, while Mrs. Salahi came in a red dress. The Knicks confirmed that the Salahi's did not purchase tickets through them, although it is not known if they bought tickets through a third-party site like StubHub, Ebay, or Knick fans outside Madison Square Garden desperate to get rid of their tickets so they wouldn't need to see another Knicks loss.