49ers Clinch Non-Playoff Birth, Vow to Still Play Their Starters...Maybe

Despite clinching 2nd place in the NFC West and being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the San Francisco 49ers will play all of their mediocre starters this week against the I-AA NFL team, the Saint Louis Rams. The 49ers could easily rest their starters this week so they don't get hurt in a meaningless game but have decided against it. However, Vernon Davis has a trip to Florida in a month to play in the very important Pro Bowl and may sit out a few series so he can be rested for that game.

"You Play to Win the Game" said a Youtube clip from head coach Mike Singletary's computer during his press conference. The 49ers don't want to lose the small bit of momentum they've built all season, just for it to go to naught in the last game. The team is already preparing for next year's preseason games in August. By resting their starters this week, they would be taking a step back in preparation for those preseason games.

However, the 49ers want their best players to be rested for the preseason games in eight months and could rest some starters in addition to Davis. To add even more controversy, families of the players are pressuring the team to rest their starters so nobody gets hurt. Many players are taking vacations with their families after the final game this week and the last thing they want to do is break their ankle and have to skip the vacation. It's already easy enough for these athletes to cheat on their wives and get any girl they want; it would be even easier when the girls feel pity for them because they have the world's biggest cast on their leg.

Michael Crabtree to Holdout Until 49ers Get a Better Quarterback

Just weeks after ending his holdout due to salary demands, Michael Crabtree has threatened to holdout until they get a better quarterback than Alex Smith. Wide receivers need a quarterback to throw to them, else they're useless according to the biggest douchebag in the NFL.

"How am I supposed to live up to my ridiculous salary if I have a Ute throwing to me" said Crabtree. "The 49ers already fell for my first holdout, I'm hoping that they'll get suckered into falling for my trap a second time this season."

There are many quarterbacks that will be available during the off-season for the 49ers but like his salary demands, Crabtree is wanting the very best: Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. Crabtree wants them to quarterback for the 49ers so they can make him look good. Until then, he will be playing Madden and being either the Colts or the Patriots.