What Tiger Woods' Speech Looked Like Before It Got Edited

Good morning and thank you for reading me. Many of you in this room pay me. Many of you in this room have lost to me in golf. Many of you have had sex with me. Now every one of you has good reason to be here and watch me read this speech.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish. I would like you to look at the girls I've slept with and hopefully you understand.

The hot Swedish Nanny and I have started the process of seeing how I could redeem myself. We have looked at Elin having affairs with other guys. We have looked into me limiting my non-marital relationships to one girl per month. We have a lot to discuss, and I will make sure to have another big speech when we make our decision.

My behavior has caused considerable worry to my business partners. To everyone involved in paying me, I would like to tell you that I plan on kicking more ass than ever when I return to the golf course.

I do plan to return to sleeping with girls one day, I just don't know when that day will be. I don't rule out that it will be this year. I don't rule out that it will be tonight. When I do return, I promise that my relationships will be kept a private matter until a few years after they occur.

Finally, there are many people in this room, and there are many people at home who had sex with me. Today I want to ask for your help. I ask you to be patient until we meet again.

Thank you.