Ten Fearless Predictions for 2010

1. The Phillies will trade staff members, vintage World Series memorabilia from 2008, and the only three prospects they still have left to the Seattle Mariners for Cliff Lee.

2. Tiger Woods will appear on ABC's The Bachelor so he can date 15 girls at once

3. The Detroit Lions will not win the Superbowl on Sunday, February 7th

4. Lebron James will choose to play football at USC instead of taking a contract extension with the Cavaliers because USC offered him more money and cars.

5. You will rip up your bracket by the end of the first day of the NCAA basketball tournament in March

6. Boise State will beat TCU in the Fiesta Bowl, but when their running back scores the game-winning touchdown, he'll get confused and propose to the mascot.

7. George Steinbrenner will fire Joe Girardi in March when the Yankees lose to an inferior team in Spring Training

8. Tim Tebow will either cry when drafted by a bad team early in the NFL draft, or cry when players not as good-looking as him get drafted ahead of him.

9. The Indianapolis Colts will rest their starters in the first half of the Superbowl because the 4th quarter is when the game will be decided anyway, so why risk injury in the first three?

10. Michael Phelps will petition the International Olympic Committee to introduce swimming in a frozen lake as an Olympic sport so he can participate in the Vancouver Olympics.

49ers Clinch Non-Playoff Birth, Vow to Still Play Their Starters...Maybe

Despite clinching 2nd place in the NFC West and being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the San Francisco 49ers will play all of their mediocre starters this week against the I-AA NFL team, the Saint Louis Rams. The 49ers could easily rest their starters this week so they don't get hurt in a meaningless game but have decided against it. However, Vernon Davis has a trip to Florida in a month to play in the very important Pro Bowl and may sit out a few series so he can be rested for that game.

"You Play to Win the Game" said a Youtube clip from head coach Mike Singletary's computer during his press conference. The 49ers don't want to lose the small bit of momentum they've built all season, just for it to go to naught in the last game. The team is already preparing for next year's preseason games in August. By resting their starters this week, they would be taking a step back in preparation for those preseason games.

However, the 49ers want their best players to be rested for the preseason games in eight months and could rest some starters in addition to Davis. To add even more controversy, families of the players are pressuring the team to rest their starters so nobody gets hurt. Many players are taking vacations with their families after the final game this week and the last thing they want to do is break their ankle and have to skip the vacation. It's already easy enough for these athletes to cheat on their wives and get any girl they want; it would be even easier when the girls feel pity for them because they have the world's biggest cast on their leg.

Favre Irked About Being Taken Out on Defense

Brett Favre didn't want to come out of yesterday's game in overtime when the Bears got the ball first. With Favre not playing defense, the Vikings allowed 36 points to a Jay Cutler lead offense, including a touchdown pass to unknown Devin Aromashodu. Video that was probably photo-shopped from a camera phone was posted on Youtube showing Favre putting head coach Brad Childress into a head lock when Childress wouldn't let him into the game. He let the media know of his displeasure after the game.

"I'm a hall of fame quarterback who has played in 582,559 games in a row" said Favre in his press conference. "Our defense allowed 36 points. Who cares if we've already clinched a playoff spot? I wanted to be out on the field for every play including special teams so we could win the game."

As an extra incentive for Favre, he knew that this would be an excellent opportunity to break one of the few records he doesn't have: most interceptions by a defender. Favre is only 81 interceptions behind Paul Krause and facing a guy like Cutler, Favre knew he could really make a push for the record before facing Eli Manning in the regular season finale next week.

Bobby Bowden Interested in Coaching Florida Gators Football Team

With Urban Meyer announcing that he is taking a leave of absence, former Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden is interested in being the short term replacement for Meyer in Gainesville. Bobby Bowden understands that he might not have many years left, so he is offering his services for a few years until Meyer improves his health and is ready to come back.

"I have an excellent resume and feel like I am the most qualified person to get this job temporarily" said Bowden from a Florida Bingo Hall. "I have won two national titles, twelve conference championships, and am the oldest coach ever at Florida State to be forced to resign. If there's someone that has a more impressive resume than me, please let me know who they are."

Having faced the Gators as the head coach at Florida State, Bowden understands the rivalry. With his familiarity of the Seminoles, he would have insider knowledge when the two teams face each other next year. Nothing would please Bowden more than to beat his old team.

Fantasy Football Advice From a Normal Guy, Playoff Edition (Week 16)

Start:

Jay Cutler---Despite clinching 3rd place in the NFC North, the Bears plan on still starting their starters. Go ahead and use Cutler if he's your top quarterback.

Brett Favre---Favre came back to the Vikings to win a championship. Since this is the championship week in most fantasy leagues, he'll be motivated to go out on top.

Sit:

Jets Defense---If the Colts are really thinking of sitting Manning in favor of this Curtis Painter guy, he must be really good.

Terrell Owens---You know how the Bills always lose in the Superbowl. It's no different in the Fantasy Football Superbowl. Sit Terrell, unless you want to come in second.

Pray:

It's the Championship Week. Congratulations on making it this far! Pray that your players catch balls with their heads, your opponent has a Leon Lett moment, and that Janet Jackson's right boob doesn't pop out during halftime of Superbowl Sunday in between the 1pm and 4pm games.

College Bowl Mascot Matchups, December 26-30

Little Caesars Bowl: Thundering Herd (Marshall) vs. Bobcats (Ohio)
One of the most intimidating mascots of the bowl season, nobody wants to face a herd of animals, let alone a thundering herd of animals. Not exactly sure which animals the herd consists of, but that just creates more fear in the opponents because of the unpredictability. Bobcats are animals that hang out in the woods and hunt all sorts of creatures. While a bobcat would certainly win most matchups, it has no chance against a thundering herd of unknown animals.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: Panthers (Pitt) vs. Tar Heels (North Carolina)
Are you intimidated by the heel of a foot? Even if it’s tar, who cares. The Panthers get a dream matchup with this one. They'll win huge.

Emerald Bowl : Eagles (Boston College) vs. Trojans (USC)
Eagles can fly but aren’t necessarily strong nor big. Meanwhile, the Trojans of Troy have been around for thousands of years, have had movies made about them, and are tough warriors that know how to win a war. We’ll take the toughness over the ability to fly in this one. Fight on!

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: Aggies (Texas A&M) vs. Bulldogs (Georgia)
After much research, we’re still not sure what exactly an Aggie is. Apparently, it’s the spirit of Texas A&M. Bulldogs are small, but tough to get the ball away from. Ever throw a tennis ball to one of them and not be able to get it back? We’ll take the dog over a spirit.

EagleBank Bowl: Bruins (UCLA) vs. Owls (Temple)
A bruin is a bear. Nobody wants to go up against a bear. Meanwhile, owls like to sleep during the night and hunt at night. Unfortunately for them, this game will be played in the afternoon. For that reason, the Bruins are going to win going away.

Champs Sports Bowl: Hurricanes (Miami) vs. Badgers (Wisconsin)
Hurricanes are so powerful, they can flood cities, blow away houses and cause fatal injuries. Badgers, according to wikipedia, are short-legged, heavy-set carnivores in the weasel family. John McCain has a better chance to beat Obama in the election at this point, than a Badgers do of surviving a hurricane, let alone beating one.


Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl: Falcons (Bowling Green) vs. Vandals (Idaho)
Falcons are quick birds who can change direction rapidly. Meanwhile, Vandals are people who vandalize and steal other people’s things. We’ll take the Falcons, just because we’d rather root for the good guys to win.


Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Wildcats (Arizona) vs. Cornhuskers (Nebraska)
What a wild matchup this is…literally. Wildcats are ferocious and smart. They know when to attack and when to be conservative. Meanwhile, cornhuskers don't appear to be the toughest, most athletic people in the world. We’ll take the Wildcats in a strange matchup.

Christmas Songs Sung by Your Favorite Teams

Jesper Parnevik: I Saw Tiger Kissing Santa Claus
Washington Redskins: Jim Zorn's Coaching Career Roasting On An Open Fire
Penn State Football: Really Old Saint Paternolas
Notre Dame Football: I'll Be Home for Christmas
New Jersey Nets: All We Want for Christmas is a #1 Pick
Detroit Lions: Offensive Line Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Duke Basketball: Silent Night...(whoosh)
USC Football: Here Comes Santa Claus...oh wait, it's just another agent giving us a car