PGA Tour to Take an Indefinite Leave of Absence

Just like Tiger did last week, the PGA Tour will be taking an indefinite leave of absence as they try to find the next superstar golfer. Here is the statement released on their web site:

"We are deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that Tiger Woods' leave of absense has caused to so many people, including our sponsors and television networks. We assume that you have heard that he will not be playing professional golf in the immediate future. During this time when you would have never heard of any of the golfers at the top of our leaderboards, we ask that you pray that we find another young good-looking smart golfer who will be able to carry our profession for years to come, or at least until Tiger divorces from Elin and comes back.

After much soul searching and a look at how bad our ratings were last year when Tiger was injured, we have decided to take an indefinite break from having golf tournaments. We need to focus our attention on finding the next superstar of golf, so we can get better ratings than ice skating, the NHL, and tennis. Thank you for your understanding and Tiger, please come back soon. We beg of you!"

The PGA Tour did not give an indication on when they might attempt a comeback, although there is a 12 year old golf prodigy in Arizona who is impressive in his youtube videos. Cocktail waitresses and reality wannabes are already sending him their phone numbers.