Syracuse Gets Payback by Crushing Le Moyne in Tug Of War

The Syracuse student body celebrated last night an impressive tug of war victory over the Le Moyne Dolphins, just two days after Le Moyne shocked the world by defeating Syracuse in a meaningless exhibition basketball game. Syracuse used the strength of its 16,000 students and 75 football players to defeat the 2,800 students on the Le Moyne side. Monster 426 pound Vanumi Powernumi was named MVP of the match.

"It's an honor to be named MVP" said Powernumi. "I'd like to thank my teammates for pushing my every day in practice and the lord for the opportunity to step out on the field and play to the best of my ability. I'd like to thank the fans for their support, my fan page on Facebook, my psychology professor for passing me even though I flunked every exam, and the steroids I've been taking leading up to the match.

The heated rivalry doesn't seem like it's going to end with a tug of war match. Beer Pong tournaments in local bars and parties around the Syracuse area are expected to continue throughout the school year. The Admissions Offices of each school are going to brag about which school has the better incoming freshman class. The schools are going to argue about which campus got more snow. Lastly, the battle of the football teams will also take place, although that shouldn't be much of a battle as the Le Moyne intramural squad has been playing quality teams in the Northeast all season while the Orange have been playing in the weak Big East.